When I Don't Remember
by Atsureki
Summary: One of the Weiss-guys finds himself in USA with no memory of who he is. A few letters and a necklace is all he has left of his life. COMPLETED
1. Questions

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own nothing, not even the clothes on my body… *sniffles* If I did own Weiss Kreuz I probably would be able to buy my own clothes don't you think??? ^_^

Warnings : Yaoi, Lemonish (future chapters), OCC, angst (as usual) and um hm I'm probably forgetting something here…

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or letters, //_Italic_// are flashbacks in dreams and //No Italic// are flashbacks while awake. Confusing isn't it? Sorry about that. 

I've never suffered from loss of memory, at least not that I can remember *hardy har har* so I'm asking you to just play along with me in this story. 

I have no one to read through my stuff so the bad spelling and grama is still in here. *sigh* 

Oh and about pairings in this fic… I won't put up the pairing here just yet but you'll the picture in the next chapter *grins*

Anyway, on to the fic…

Chapter 1. Questions

He wiped the tears from his face and silently cursed the onions for causing them. With a huff he finished chopping the last one and put them in the casserole that simmered on the stove. Dinner would take care of itself for another 15 minutes or so which meant that all he could do was stare at the walls and think. As usual that thinking revolved around his past. The only problem was that instead of having some 20 years to remember he only had a year and a half. It happened every single time he wasn't busy enough. When his mind wasn't occupied it started dwelling on the fact that he had no idea who he was. If he just could remember who he was and where he came from.  
"Are you in here?" a soft female voice called out.  
"Yes, in the kitchen," he answered and turned around. A tall woman came in and smiled at him.  
"Is that the famous Takayuki Stew I'm smelling," she grinned at him and kissed his cheek.  
"Actually I've renamed it, it is now known as the famous Suzuki Stew," he smiled and tilted his head slightly. Takayuki, Yuki for short, Suzuki was his name, it said so in the letters, the only personal things he had had with him when he was found. But the name felt wrong just like everything else did. Even the woman standing so close to him felt wrong. "So where's Matt?" he asked when he managed to drag himself away from his brooding.  
"You know my son, he's probably in the backyard tormenting that poor football of his," she chuckled. "Speaking of Matt, he brought Sean with him."  
"Sean's always welcome in my house, unless the football comes in with him." No home could stay whole with a Sean and a football in it, that had been proven twice in Yuki's house.  
"Yuki, is there something bothering you?"  
"You know me Kate, always brooding over something," he smiled and gave her a hug. She might feel wrong but she was the only thing he had to cling to and she was his friend. About 18 months ago a hiker had found him unconscious on a small path up in the mountains. Except for a backpack filled with letters, a necklace and clothes he had had nothing with him. No wallet, no ID, no keys, no memories. Two months later they had released him from the hospital without having any idea of who he was or where he had come from. The letters they had found on him were written in Kanji and adressed to a Takayuki Suzuki. Among those letters they had also found a letter that hadn't been opened. Some guy from the police had compared the handwriting in that letter with his and since they matched it was obvious that he had written it. It was signed Yuki Suzuki so that's who he was. Except for his name the only things he knew was that he was about 23 and that he most likely had been born in Japan since he spoke american-english with an accent and japanese fluently. His life had probably been rather tough since his body had scars most of them looking like they came from fighting.  
"Hello? Eath to Yuki."  
"Sorry I did it again didn't I?" he smiled softly. "Call the boys I think dinner is almost done."

Yuki watched Kate and the two boys walk down the road from his house and sighed. He really tried to have a relationship with Kate but it just didn't work. A voice in his head kept on repeating that it was wrong to be with her, that there was someone else. But who? Where? When? As usual no answers only questions. With a deep sigh he walked back inside and pulled out the pendant attached to the necklace he had had in his backpack when he was found. The pendant was round and looked like a silver coin. Engraved on one side was a japanese sword; a katana, and a rose. The weapon and flower were crossed and intwined in them was the letter R. It meant nothing to him but at the same time it wasn't completely unfamilier. What did that damn R stand for? And why a rose and a katana? What did it mean? Yuki rubbed his face and sighed. It was driving him insane that he couldn't remember who he was. And then there were those letters. They didn't make any sence either. They spoke of cats and a whole lot of silly stuff that meant nothing. There had been no adress on the envelopes, no stamp and they were all signed Ono Akira. It just didn't add up, it never did. Tired and annoyed he headed for bed.

//_"Don't forget who you are now," a deep but soft voice said.  
"I won't I promise," he answered and smiled.  
"And please come back to me," the voice sighed.  
"You know I always come back to you koi," he mumbled and kissed the owner of the voice.  
"Don't trust anyone, they're after you."_//

Yuki stirred in his sleep as the familier dream ran through his head. It was always the same strange conversation between him and someone he couldn't see. 

//_"It's funny kitten, I always figured you'd be a better fighter than this," a male voice mocked him almost playfully.  
"Shut up you bastard!" The man infront of him laughed.  
"Now now kitten there's no need for calling me names. Tell me how is your precious lover? Still left in Tokyo, ne? It's a pity we can't play all three of us, don't you think?" He narrowed his eyes and growled.  
"What do you want from me?" he spat out almost desperatly.  
"I want you to scream in pain before you die!" the man snarled and suddenly all the playfullness in his voice was gone.  
"Since I'm obviously going to die here, mind telling me where the hell I am and how I got here?"  
"Not at all. I snatched you from that motel where you were hiding. It took some hard work to find you under that false name of yours but I always get what I want," the man smirked. "With a little help from the organization I brought you all the way to America. No one's going to find you here and your lover won't look for you. Everybody thinks your dead."  
"Dead?" he asked with a trembling voice.  
"Yes dead! I blew up the motel and well they had no reason to suspect you weren't there anymore. Don't worry though you will be dead soon enough but first I need that information."_//

Yuki sat up and opened his eyes. That part wasn't one he had dreamt before. So he came from Tokyo? And the people he knew thought he was dead? Or was it just a dream and not memories? Tired he rubbed his face and sighed. What he really wanted to know was who the person he had called koi was. There was something about that voice that was so familier and yet he couldn't remember. A feeling in him told him that that person was a man. Maybe that was the reason why being with Kate felt so wrong? But if he was gay how come he wasn't attracted to other males? Again, so many questions and no answers. He left his bed and lit a cigarette. Taking a deep drag from his smoke he walked out from his bedroom and downstairs. He had to do something or he'd go nuts. Maybe going to Japan would trigger his memory? Standing in the kitchen he made up his mind. He had to go to Tokyo and see if he couldn't find a clue to who he was.

The speakers trembled when a deep voice informed travelers which gate they should go to. Yuki turned to Kate and smiled slightly.  
"I should get going now," he said quietly.  
"Promise to call me when you arrive," Kate sighed and met his eyes.  
"Of course." For a moment he just looked at her. "Listen Kate, I'm sorry I…"  
"Yuki there's nothing to be sorry about. I like you alot and even if we'll be just friend I still want to keep in touch," she smiled sadly. He answered her smile and hugged her tightly. Even if he couldn't love her as anything more than a friend she was an important part of his shattered life.  
"I'll always keep in touch with you Kate," he promised and kissed her forehead. "You're important to me." She smiled again and squeezed his hand.  
"Get going now sweetie or you'll miss your flight." Yuki said good bye and left her. He was nervous and had no idea what he would find in Japan, or if he'd find anything at all.

~TBC~

Sooo what do you think? Should I continue? And did you guess who Yuki really is???? To tell the truth I didn't even know who he was when I started this fic. *chuckles* But now I know. /Atsureki


	2. Red Hair, Red Blood

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I really hate doing this…. *mutters* Don't own them only borrowing them to have some fun, no harm in that is there? Don't sue me cause… quite frankly I'm poor enough as it is!

Warnings : Yaoi, Lemon-stuff (future chapters), OCC, angst (as usual) and um hm I'm probably forgetting something here…

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or letters, //_Italic_// are flashbacks in dreams and //No Italic// are flashbacks while awake. Confusing isn't it? Sorry about that. 

I've never suffered from loss of memory, at least not that I can remember *hardy har har* so I'm asking you to just play along with me in this story. 

I have no one to read through my stuff so the bad spelling and grama is still in here. *sigh* 

You'll find out who Yuki is in this chapter *promises*, um if you haven't guessed it already, and who I've paired him with if you didn't already figured that out. I did give you enough hints, ne? *S*

Chapter 2. Red Hair, Red Blood

The streets of Tokyo felt familier, there was no doubt he had been there before. Yuki put on his sunglasses and crossed a street. He had been there for two days but so far nothing had come to him. At the moment he just let his feet decide where to go. There had to be someone who recognized him there but then again Tokyo was a huge city. He sighed and stopped infront of a shop. For a moment his brain strained itself to grab a hold of escaping memories. That shop. He had been there before, he could feel it. But when? Yuki rubbed his forehead and pouted. A small blonde came out and started watering some of the flowers that were lined up infront of the windows. That blonde young man was familier too. Maybe he'd know who he was? Slowly and carefully Yuki approched him.  
"Excuse me?" he said in english and tapped the youth on his shoulder. The blonde turned around still focust on the flowers.  
"How can I help you sir?" Blue eyes met his and widened. For a long time they just stared at each other.  
"Is something wrong?" Yuki asked in japanese. The blonde swallowed and kept staring at him, then he let out a low yelp and ran back into the store. Confused Yuki frowned before he followed the younger man.  
"I swear it must be…" Two men were staring at him now. One short and one taller blonde.  
"Oh dear god," the taller one gasped. "Omi go get Aya." The petit blonde nodded and hurried out a door in the back of the shop. "How? Where? How can you be here?" Yuki stared and desperatly tried to remember who that man was.  
"I'm sorry but do I know you? Do you know me?" he asked with hesitation.  
"What do you mean do I know you? Of course we know each other! But Ken where have you been? We all thought you were dead." For a moment Yuki just blinked at the blonde and shook his head.   
"Ken?" a deep voice asked and Yuki turned his head. He remembered that voice from his dreams but the redhead standing behind him was a stranger, sort of.  
"My name is Yuki, Suzuki Takayuki, do I know you?" he asked in confusion. The two blondes and the redhead stared at each other.  
"He doesn't remember us," the tall lanky blonde sighed to the redhead.  
"I noticed that Yoji!" Cold amethyst eyes filled with questions eyed him up and down. "Why don't you come in, we need to talk."  
"No." This was too uncomfortable, too scary. "Just tell me if you know me, please."  
"Yes we know you. You used to work here at the Koneko," the tall redhead nodded slowly and something that looked like pain flashed across his bland face.  
"I… I recognize your voice," Yuki whispered and pulled out his necklace. "Does this look familier?" The redhead took it and hugged it in his hand.  
"I gave it to you before you left and you gave me this." He took off a necklace that looked just like the one Yuki had. On it was a strange looking glove with claws crossing a flower that he didn't recognize and intwined in them was the letter K. "Ken where have you been all this time?" Yuki shivered and handed back the necklace. His brain was working overtime and still he couldn't put the pieces together.  
"Montana, USA," he answered slowly. "Is my name Ken?" It seemed a whole lot more familier than Takayuki that was for sure.  
"Hidaka Ken," the smaller blonde nodded. "We thought you died in an explosion a little more than a year and a half ago."  
"That man," Yuki muttered and closed his eyes. "He said he had… snatched me from a motel and taken me too USA to kill me."  
"Fukunishi, that bastard!" the man the redhead had called Yoji growled. "Aya I thought Manx said that the explosion was an accident?"  
"She did. I don't understand how he managed to get away with it."  
"Is that your name? Aya?" Yuki asked and thought about the R on his pendant.  
"Sort of. You used to call me Ran though." Ran sounded more right than Aya. Yuki frowned. If that dream really was a memory didn't that mean that he and this Ran had been lovers? If that was true than why was the redhead acting so cold and bland?  
"I… I… dreamt about you," Yuki mumbled and stared at the redhead. "But I… can't remember who you are." '_Don't forget who you are now_' That was what the man had told him in his dream, but he had forgotten who he was. Again Yuki met Ran's amethyst eyes and almost took a step back. Those eyes were filled with something that looked like pain, loss and sadness now. "I'm sorry, I… have to go," he studdered, turned around and fled.

Panting like a mad man Yuki finally slowed down. Those three men knew him but he didn't know them, couldn't remember them. And Ran. The redhead was beautiful with his crimson hair, amethyst eyes and ivory skin but Yuki still couldn't really remember him. Why would such a beautiful man get involved with him? He was nothing special, just a plain average man. Not tall, not short, plain brown hair and brown eyes. It was a mystery. But a part of Yuki's mind told him that the redhead was special to him even if his memories of Ran weren't there. Exhausted he returned to his hotel room and sank down on the bed. He just wanted to remember! Slowly he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

//_"Don't forget who you are now," a deep but soft voice said.  
"I won't I promise," he answered and smiled.  
"And please come back to me," the voice sighed.  
"You know I always come back to you koi," he mumbled and kissed the owner of the voice.  
"Don't trust anyone, they're after you."_//

The dream hadn't changed. He still couldn't make out the face but he knew it was Ran, he recognized the voice.

//_He sighed and rested his head in his hands as he waited.  
"Siberian the target is heading your way!" a low voice said in his ear.  
"Copy that Bombay." He rose to his feet and touched the trigger on his glows. Five claws shot out. Quietly he stepped out from the shadows. A man walked into the corridore and headed towards him. With a low roar he charged him and buried the claws in the man's stomach. The man let out a cry of pain and sank down on the floor. "Target has been destroyed, I repeat, the target has been destroyed." he said and put his finger over his earpiece.  
"Copy that Siberian. Abyssinian, Balinese move out." Quickly he headed towards the exit, covered in blood from an unknown man, and left the mangled body lying on the dirty floor."_//

Sweating and fighting against the urge to throw up Yuki bolted from the bed. He had killed that man in cold blood. Who was he? Why had he killed that man? Siberian? He had read that 'name' somewhere. Quickly Yuki took out the letters he had had with him and looked through them. Siberian, Balinese, Abyssinian and Bombay where all meantioned in them. Why did they call each other by the names of catbreeds? Without thinking he got a pen and a piece of paper and started writing down words from the letter. He didn't pick them at random instead he used some sort of number code that he had no idea where it came from. When he was done he read what he had written.

__

Siberian, the target is still searching for you and Balinese is trying to lead him astray. Bombay has the information you need and it will be delivered at the meeting place by Abyssinia two days from today, at dawn. Use extrem caution when you go there!

It was the last letter he had recieved, judging by the date on it. Frowning he picked up the letter he had written himself and started decoding it. When he read the messaged hidden in it he swallowed. He had known that that man, Yoji had called Fukunishi, was lurking about and had asked for advice about what to do. But he had been too late and Fukunishi had gotten to him before the letter could be delivered. Yuki felt the familier headache coming to life and rubbed his temples. Judging from the letters and that disgusting dream he was some sort of hitman, assassin or perhaps a cop? A cop that worked as a florist? Not very likely. Besides, what cop would use that type of weapon? Clawed gloves. And just who were these other guys, Abyssinian, Bombay and Balinese?  
"Damn!" he cursed out loud and banged his fist against the table. He was so tired of fumbling around in the dark. Trembling he lit a cigarette just as he always did when he needed to calm down. He would have to go back to that flowershop, the Koneko. Koneko? Koneko meant kitten in japanese. Maybe those three cat-names refered to the three men he had met there earlier? But if that was the case didn't that mean that they, just like him, were killers? Yuki groaned. It was too confusing, too scary. Trembling he went back to bed. Maybe his dreams would tell him something more?

With hesitation Yuki peeked through the window. Only the redhead was there. Nervous and unsure he opened the door and entered. Aya turned around and looked at him.  
"So you came back," the taller man said quietly.  
"I… I'm sorry I ran out yesterday. I came back to show you something Aya, Ran," Yuki mumbled and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  
"I'm about to close the shop so just hang on a minute." He watched the red haired man as he went to work. His brain might not exactly recognize that man but his body and heart did and they were both demanding to get much closer. Yuki swallowed and supressed it. He couldn't do that when he couldn't remember. "There I'm done. How about we talk in the kitchen?" the redhead suggested after a moment. Yuki nodded and followed the taller man. It didn't take long before they both sat down in a small kitchen. "So what did you want to show me Ken?" The slightly shorter man winced at the name.  
"Please don't call me that. I don't know if I really am Ken."  
"Okay," Aya agreed and looked at him with that stoic look on his face.  
"When they found me I only had a backpack with me and these were in it," Yuki explained and handed Aya the letters.  
"I wrote these," the redhead said slowly after looking at them. "Well except this one." He showed Yuki the letter that the cops had told him he had written himself.  
"I wrote that one, right?" Aya nodded. "I don't mean to be blunt but… there was something going on between us, wasn't there?"  
"Something going on between us?" the redhead asked coldly. "That's one way of putting it." Yuki cursed himself. He hadn't meant to just blurt it out like that, making it sound like he belittled it.  
"I'm sorry Ran I didn't mean to…" The taller man raised his hand to interrupt him.  
"Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter anymore and 'was' is the keyword here anyway," Aya said flatly and got up. "Just focus on remembering who you are instead!"  
"Ken-kun," an energetic voice said and the smaller one of the two blondes came in. "I'm so glad you came back again!" Yuki smiled slightly and again wished he just could remember who the hell he and these people were.   
"Why don't you talk to Yuki here," Aya said with ice in his voice and left.   
"But Aya I…" the petit blonde objected but the redhead was already gone.   
"Your name is Omi, ne?" The blonde nodded and turned around to look at him. "Which one of you is refered to as Bombay, it's you isn't it?" Omi winced and licked his lips. "Listen I'm just trying to figure out who the hell I am here. I had several dreams last night where I killed, I slaughtered humans in cold blood and you were there. I recognize your voice. You also meantioned two others by the names of Abyssinian and Balinese. That's Aya and the other blonde, Yoji, isn't it?"   
"I can't talk to you about that Ken, not when you don't remember."   
"Damn! I can't live like this! Do you even understand what it's like to not remember anything? I don't know who I am or who you people are and I can't remember what went on between Ran and me. I want to but I just can't!" Yuki almost scream and felt tears of frustration run down his cheeks. "I try so hard but it just won't come to me and now Aya is angry with me!" Omi looked at him sadly before lowering his eyes to the floor.   
"When Manx told us you were dead we nearly lost Aya. He wanted to leave us and just go far away from everything that reminded him of you. Yoji managed to talk him out of it but he went back to being Aya again. When you and him got together he opened up and he became Ran. But Ran died on the same day you did Ken. You have to understand him, he lost so much many years ago and then he lost you too," Omi explained and then carefully looked up again. "I think he's afraid that he'll lose you all over again and without you even remembering what you two had together." Yuki rested his face in his hands and sighed deeply.   
"I remember his voice… I hear it in my dreams every night but I can't remember even if he looks familier," he croaked out. "Maybe I should go talk to him?"   
"You can try but he's even harder to talk to than he used to be," Omi sighed. Yuki got up and headed for the stairs. Again his feet took over and lead him up and towards the first door. Carefully he opened it and stepped inside. The room was a mess, clothes scattered all over the floor along with shoes and a fotball. It was his room, or at least it used to be, he could feel it. Slowly Yuki walked up the bed and picked up an orange sweater lying there and tied it around his waist. It felt right to have it there. _It's strange that this room is so clean and still has my…Ken's stuff in it,_ Yuki thought. With a sigh he walked out again and closed the door behind him. He approached the second door and knocked on it. Something, probably his instinct, told him that he would find the redhead there. He knocked again when he didn't get an answer. Still nothing.   
"Ran?" he asked and opened the door a little. He could hear someone breathing inside but got no answer. Mildy annoyed he pushed the door completely opened and walked in. The redhead was standing by the window with his back against him.   
"What do you want?" came the flat question at last.   
"I want to talk Ran, about us," he said carefully. Yuki could have sworn he heard a harsh chuckle from the other man.   
"There is no us Yuki!" Hearing those words hurt even though he couldn't exactly say he remembered their relationship.   
"If that's true then why do I hear your voice in my dreams every night? How come my heart calls out for you when I see you?" Yuki asked softly and saw how Ran winced ever so slightly. Carefully he approached the taller man. "I'm trying so hard to remember Ran but I need a little help, I need your help, I need you." The taller man lowered his head a little but didn't turn around.   
"I can't help you Yuki, I'm not Ran. Once I was but he's gone, just like Ken," the redhead said with his monotone voice.   
"Then what diffrence does it make if I remember anything at all? The small pieces I've found so far show me a cold hearted killer bathing in blood, stained by it. I thought you might be the one good thing I had in the life I can't recall… Forget it! I should just go back to Montana and be Yuki, at least he's a good guy." Finding out who he was had quickly lost a lot of its glory. Sighing sadly Yuki turned around and headed for the door.   
"Ken is a good guy too." It was just a little louder than a whisper. "He's brave, warm, kind, sweet and innocent." Yuki tilted his head slightly. That didn't exactly agree with what he had found out so far.   
"Yeah sure and he kills for a living! Look at me! I'm as plain as you get, nothing special except the fact that I'm a murderer. I can't even remember Ken and I already hate his guts!" Yuki spat out. Ran swirled around and glared at him with fire in his eyes.   
"Shut up! There's nothing plain about Ken! He's beautiful inside out and he's not some lowlife murderer. Yes we all kill for a living! But we kill bad people so that the rest of the population can be safe. That's what Ken lives for, to protect the innocent, so don't you dare say such things about him!" the redhead almost yelled and pointed a shaking hand at the shorter man.   
"If that's true then show me, help me remember Ken," Yuki begged. "Ran, Aya, or whatever you want to call yourself, I'm fumbling around in the dark here. The only things I can remember is your voice, that I've killed and being held prisoner by some man. Out of those three things you're the only good one, why won't you help me?" He was crying now. Crying tears because he was losing something that he couldn't even remember. Lost in things he had forgotten he took four steps forward and pressed his face against the redhead's shirt. "Please… help me." His body sang with joy, it might have lost a lot of things but the memory of that smell and that body weren't among them. Tightly Yuki wrapped his arms around Aya's slender waist and clinged to it almost as if he was drowing and the redhead was the rope that would save him. After what seemed to be forever shaking arms were placed around him and held him carefully almost with hesitation. 

~TBC~

If you think Aya/Ran is acting a little weird here don't flame me please. His acting will be explained in coming chapters. *promises* Oh dear there's gonna be some lemon-scented stuff in the next chapter *full panic mode* The things I go through to write bad fics *staggers off to write the stuff* I'm doomed. 

And to Jin… You asked me if I would give you a treat for another chapter so how about it?? Was this a good enough treat for ya? *grins* 


	3. Pleasure And 8-9-3

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : We all know I don't own shit! Um or Weiss Kreuz for that matter. Not mine, don't sue because if you do I'll cry!

Warnings : Yaoi, Lemonish-stuff, OCC, angst (as usual) and um hm I'm probably forgetting something here…

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or letters, //_Italic_// are flashbacks in dreams and //No Italic// are flashbacks while awake. Confusing isn't it? Sorry about that. Words in japanese marked * are explained at the bottom.

If you're wondering about the numberstuff in the title of this chapter it'll be explain later on. *S*

And before I let you read this chapter… Thanks to all you wonderfull reviewers *goes all teary-eyed* You ppl make my life worth living *laffs* Seriously thought minna-san. You are the best *glomps you all*

Chapter 3. Pleasure And 8-9-3

//_"Don't forget who you are now," a deep but soft voice said.  
"I won't I promise," he answered and smiled.  
"And please come back to me," the voice sighed.  
"You know I always come back to you koi," he mumbled and kissed the owner of the voice.  
"Don't trust anyone, they're after you."_// 

//_A body pressed against his and soft lips kissed him. Warm hands danced over his sensitive skin and almost set him on fire. He moaned at the touch and needed it more than his next breath.  
"Ran," he breathed and touched the body covering his. A soft gasp was his answer and then something buried deep inside of him started moving, gently shifting in and out. His next moan mixed with another's. "Please," he begged. The movement picked up pace and became thrusts that threatened to tear him apart with pleasure. Another moan, not his own. The pressure in his groin grew quickly, stole his breaths away. A warm hand found its way inbetween their bodies and started to stroke him. It was too much pleasure, he couldn't hold on. With a low scream he exploded into release. Moments after, another scream was heard and he was filled with his lover's liquid. The weight that had rested on him shifted, settled down next to him and his body lost the warm length that it had been harbouring. He sighed with loss and was pulled into a warm safe embrace.  
"Ken," a deep loving voice whispered in his ear. He murmured in reply and snuggled closer. It felt like home, where he belonged._//

Yuki panted and sat up. He was sweating and found himself painfully aroused.  
"Ran," he gasped. In that dream or memory the redhead had made love to him. The brunette's body screamed with longing but it wasn't just for sex. What it wanted was the closeness, those arms that offered love and security. Yuki wiped his face and tried to calm down. He thought back to the previous evening when he had hugged Ran. It had felt so right, so good but it hadn't lasted. He had been pushed away. Ran had told him that it wasn't right, that it didn't mean anything since he wasn't Ken. But Yuki wanted to be Ken again, needed to be Ken again. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore except finding a way back to his real life, back to… Ran, even if that meant he was a killer. Slowly he got up and headed for the bathroom. He needed a cold shower and a smoke to calm down. 

Yuki walked briskly towards the Koneko but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being followed. Slowly he turned around and looked at the people surrounding him. A pair of jade eyes that watched him caught his attention. Why was that man staring at him like that? Yuki shuddered and turned his back to the stranger. He could still feel that green gaze stabbing him in the back and it scared him. The urge to turn around again was too great to supress. The man with the green eyes was still watching him. Yuki stared back and widened his eyes when the stranger's shirt blew apart slightly and showed a tatooed chest. That rang a bell, a warningbell. Quickly Yuki started walking away. That man was dangerous he could feel it. Suddenly a strong arm stopped him.  
"Not so fast kid," a hoarse and cold voice snarled. "Oyabun* wants to talk to you." Yuki shuddered.  
"I don't know any Oyabun, please let me go," he pleaded and tried to get his arm loose.  
"If that's the case then you have nothing to fear kid," the man said slowly and started dragging him towards a black car. "Get in!" Confused and scared Yuki did as he was told. When the man who had caught him stepped into the car he got a good look at a part of the tattoo. 8-9-3, ya-ku-za. Yakuza*, the japanese counterpart to the Italian Mafia. Yuki almost stopped breathing. What did they want with him? Had Ken worked for them? _Oh please no. Don't tell me I'm some damn hired killer working for the yakuza,_ Yuki begged. The drive took about half an hour and when they stopped the huge man more or less pulled him out of the car.  
"Where are we going?" Yuki asked quietly.  
"To see Oyabun. Remember one thing kid, show him respect or he'll be very, very upset."

Yuki carefully looked at the man sitting infront of him. He was rather tall, lanky, black hair, brown eyes and was about 45 or so. The first thing the jade eyed man had done when they came in was bow and Yuki was clever enough to follow his lead.  
"So, who might this be?"   
"This is the man you sent me to fetch Oyabun."   
"Aa I remember now Dean. So stranger what's your name?" Yuki lowered his eyes since staring wasn't polite.   
"Suzuki Takayuki, Oyabun-san." He had no idea of how to adress that man but he figured he better try his best to be polite.   
"You're not a memeber of the yakuza so please feel free to call me Hattori."   
"Thank you Hattori-san," Yuki mumbled and kept his eyes glued to the floor.   
"Dean here tells me you have friends at the Koneko, is that right?" Hattori asked softly.   
"Iie Hattori-san. I don't know anyone in Tokyo." Not really a lie.   
"That's strange you see you do look a lot like a man who killed a few of our people about two years ago. I sent out my closest Kyodai* to terminate this man but he never came back. Let me ask you this Takayuki, do you know a man named Fukunishi Hitoshi?" Hattori asked still with his voice soft and low. This man didn't seem dangerous at all and that confused Yuki but he didn't want to take any chances especially not since the man he was asking about was familier.   
"Gomen nasai, I've never heard of him."   
"Seems we owe you an apology Takayuki. I hope you can forgive Dean for his mistake." Yuki shuddered. There was something in that voice that he didn't like at all.   
"No harm done Hattori-san," he said quietly and slowly looked up.   
"Well then… Dean please take this young man back to where you found him." The green eyed man nodded and lead Yuki back to the car. 

He couldn't stop shaking or stop cursing the mess he was in. The damn yakuza was after him or rather Ken but it was the same thing wasn't it? He had to talk to Aya, Omi and Yoji but how? It wasn't like he could just go to the Koneko again, Hattori had most likely ordered someone to tail him.   
"Screw them!" he muttered. Hattori could kiss his ass! He had better things to do than worry about some damn gangster. Yuki swallowed. Tough thoughts but the truth was that he was scared half to death. Didn't matter though he had to talk to the men at the Koneko, tailed or not. Sighing to himself he made his way to the flowershop and prayed that no one was following him. With relief he spotted the shop and hurried inside. Forcing himself to look completely calm and relaxed he approached the first person he saw, Yoji.   
"Just act like I'm here to buy something," he smiled at the blonde who gave him a confused look.   
"Nani?"   
"Do it Yoji! I'm being followed," Yuki hissed and pointed at some roses.   
"By who?" the lanky blonde asked and lead the way to the flowers.   
"8, 9, 3," he answered in english and shook his head. Slowly he looked around the shop and then nodded to some plants.   
"What do you mean 8, 9, 3?" Yoji muttered and crossed the floor.   
"Translate it to japanese you moron!"   
"Ya, ku… Shit!" The blonde snarled but kept the expression on his face light and sunny.  
"You can say that again. They're after me or rather Ken and brought me to see some guy named Hattori," Yuki said with a smile and nodded to the plant Yoji was showing him. The taller man gestured to him to follow to the desk.   
"I better tell Aya about this and we need to explain why this is happening," the blonde mumbled as he wrapped the plant in paper.   
"Time and place?"   
"Go to a club called The Insatiable tonight at around nine and be carefull. Just go in and stay near the bar, we'll find you." Yuki smiled and paid for the stupid plant before he left. 

~TBC~

Ah I've gone and made myself nuts by introducing the yakuza to this story *bangs her head* If you don't know anything about them I'll try to explain a little. First we have the word itself. Yakuza is made of the three words ya, ku and za which means 8, 9 and 3. It has to do with the japanese cardgame Oicho-Kabu where you're suppose to reach 19, much like you want to get 21 when you play Black Jack. Sum the numbers together and you get 20 which is completely worthless in Oicho-Kabu. That's where the name yakuza comes from; they without worth for the society. This doesn't mean that they are of no use for the society, it means that the members are people that somehow don't fit in the society, in other words society's misfits. 

Now as far as I've been able to understand the yakuza works a lot like the Italian Mafia families. They are a family with a father, brothers and children, although not blood-lined. The word Dean uses in this fic, Oyabun, means Boss or Chief but can also, as far as I've seen, be translated to Father. The Oyabun is the Godfather so to speak, what he says goes. The second word, that Hattori uses when he meantions Fukunishi, Kyoudai, means older brother and is used to refer to men that are high in rank under the Oyabun. I'm gonna stop this now before it turns into a paper on the japanese mafia *lol* I hope you at least understood what I was explaining. *not sure I did myself* Che I almost forgot. There is a diffrence between clan yakuza and freelance yakuza. Freelance yakuza means that they're a yakuza that don't commit any bigger crimes and belongs to a little group of hustlers. Hattori is the leader of a gang that's somewhere between a clan yakuza and a freelance yakuza…

And one last thing… On a scale from 1 to 10 how much did the Lemon-stuff suck? *wants to know* First try but not the last I'm afraid *hides under her bed* I will have a fullblown lemon in this fic dammit!/Atsureki


	4. The Unpleasent Truth

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : Here we go again… Not mine, not yours, but don't we wish it was? They belong to someone else and I'm just using them to satisfy my twisted urges. *G* No pun intendet… Don't sue me, pwees.

Warnings : Yaoi, Lemon-stuff (future chapters), OCC, angst (as usual) and um hm I'm probably forgetting something here…

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or letters, //_Italic_// are flashbacks in dreams and //No Italic// are flashbacks while awake. Confusing isn't it? Sorry about that. 

Chapter 4. The Unpleasent Truth

The Insatiable was a twisted place, that conclusion took Yuki about two seconds to reach. Dressed in black leather pants and an extremly tight black shirt he entered and felt like he walked into a wall of smoke and heavy music. Yuki growled and pulled at his clothes. The pants were riding up into the unknown and the stupid shirt showed more skin than he was comfortable with. With a sigh he pushed his way to the bar and demanded a drink. If he was going to stay sane in there he needed alcohol. A half naked bartender handed him a glass and Yuki emptied it as fast as he could. Slowly he ran his eyes over the crowd and couldn't help but stare at the grinding and touching that went on. It looked more like foreplay than dancing. After he had left Yoji at the Koneko he had taken a nap which of course had been filled with dreams of Ran, dreams that left him craving something he couldn't have.  
"Hi there cutie how about a dance?" a purring voice asked in his ear. Yuki glanced at the woman leaning against him and shook his head.  
"No thanks, I'm waiting for someone." She pouted but left him alone. _If they're late I'll kill them,_ he promised himself and ordered another drink. Suddenly a warm hand caressed his back. Yuki swirled around and found himself staring into a pair of weird colored eyes.  
"Let's dance." It wasn't a question, it was an order. Yuki narrowed his eyes and glared at the unknown man. The stranger ran a hand across his thigh and then went back to caressing his back.   
"Get your hands off me!" Yuki growled.   
"It's me, Yoji," the man hissed. The blonde had either dyed his hair or wore a wig and his eyes were a odd-looking brown color.   
"How the hell was I suppose to know that?" Yuki muttered but allowed Yoji to fondle him.   
"Now let's dance," the blonde slurred and pulled his arm. Rolling his eyes Yuki slid down from his chair.   
"Lead the way," he nodded and Yoji dragged him onto the dancefloor and started swaying to the music. Yuki gritted his teeth and moved stiffly to the noise, keeping as far away from Yoji as he could.   
"Don't take this the wrong way Ken but would you mind grinding against me a little here? It's not exactly the place for a waltz," the blonde muttered and crushed his pelvis to Yuki's.   
"I'm gonna kill you once we get out of here! I don't care if I don't remember you, I'll kill you!" Yuki snarled but did as he was told.   
"Yeah, yeah… Aya's gonna show up in about five minutes and when he does I want you to act like you're angry with me, okay? Let Aya defend you, dance with him for a while then leave with him," Yoji mumbled in his ear while his hands got a close feel of the shorter man's behind. Yuki gritted his teeth. Acting or not those hands needed to move.   
"Act!? I am angry with you and if you don't move your hands you'll lose them!" Yuki spat out. Yoji's hands were removed from his butt almost immediately. For a few minutes they danced closely and then Yoji's hands started wandering again. The blonde squeezed, pinched and groped him all over.   
"Aya's coming," the blonde informed him and licked his neck.   
"Stop that!" Yuki growled and didn't act at all.   
"But baby you taste so good," Yoji said loud enough for the people around them to hear.   
"I said stop it! Get away from me!" Yuki almost screamed but this time it was an act.   
"Is he bothering you?" a very familier deep smooth voice asked.   
"Get lost buster! This one is mine," Yoji growled and pulled Yuki closer to him.   
"Yes he is bothering me!" With one rough push Aya sent the blonde crashing to the floor.   
"Easy come, easy go," the redhead sneered at Yoji and pulled Yuki into his arms. Yuki's body cheered at being so close to Aya and the taller man's scent was intoxicating. With a content sigh Yuki leaned into the embrace and started moving to the music. He was pretty sure that Ken wasn't a dancer since the movement felt strange but at that moment he was just thrilled to feel Aya's body pressed against his willingly, or at least without trying to pull away. Slowly Yuki tilted up his face to look into those amethyst eyes. The bland mask was almost gone and the redhead had a strange look in his eyes that the slightly shorter man couldn't read.   
"Aya I…" he mumbled and swallowed. Without saying anything the redhead lowered his head slightly. Yuki didn't think he just allowed Aya to cover his mouth. The kiss was questioning and filled with some sort of desperate longing. The redhead deepened it and ran his tongue over the shorter man's lips, asking for access. With a low rumble in the back of his throat Yuki gave it to him. Cool hands softly stroke the exposed skin between the shorter man's shirt and pants as tongues danced. Yuki felt his knees grow week and just leaned into the kiss and the touch. His body, mind and heart knew these feelings, remembered them and wanted more. Slowly Yuki moved his hands underneth the redhead's loose shirt and got a soft moan in reply. It felt like he was home, the same feeling that he had felt in the dreams where Ran had made love to him. All too soon the kiss ended and the hands on his back were removed.   
"Let's get out of here," Aya said with his voice thick and rich. Yuki nodded and took his hand. The redhead pushed through the crowd and lead the way out. "How did you get here?" he asked when they stopped.   
"I walked," Yuki mumbled.   
"I have my car parked two blocks from here," Aya said and nodded to the left.   
"Okay." Yuki was thorn. He wanted to leave so that he could talk about the mess his life was but he also wanted to stay so that he could be close to the redhead. Aya started walking still holding his hand. When the club was out of sight Yuki stopped.   
"What's wrong?" the taller man asked and looked around.   
"Aya, I… want…to," Yuki studdered and forced himself to meet the other man's eyes. The bland mask was back again and the amethyst eyes were cold. "Please don't do that to me."   
"Do what?" the redhead asked flatly.   
"Please don't put up that mask and shut me out. I can't stand it when you do that. Listen, I know I can't really remember Ken or you but… I can remember you in here," Yuki tried to explain and put his hand over his heart. "I dream of you every night and lately you've been making love to me in those dreams." He knew he was blushing but ignored it. Aya's stoic face was shadowed by sadness and hurt for a brief moment.   
"We need to get going before Yoji and Omi get worried," the tall redhead stated coldly and let go of Yuki's hand. The rest of the walk to the car and the drive went under complete silence. 

The dusky room was located in a condemed building far away from the inner town of Tokyo. Yuki sat on a wooden box and he wasn't paying attention. Instead of listening to Yoji his mind was tormenting him with Aya. The callous redhead was standing by one of the broken windows with his back to the room. Since the fiasko on the way to the car he hadn't said a word and he hadn't so much as looked at Yuki.   
"Ken! Would you pay attention!" Yoji barked at him. "It's your ass they're after not mine."   
"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" Yuki sighed and pushed away the thoughts that occupied him.   
"The four of us are members of a team called Weiss Kreuz." The brunette turned his eyes to Omi who had spoken.   
"I thought I was the one talking here?!" Yoji muttered and got a hard glare from Aya.   
"We're assassins working for an organization called Kritiker, I'm not allowed to give you any information about them since you don't remember… Anyway, about two years ago we accepted a mission that included killing four dangerous men responsible for the deaths of several kids. We each had a part of the mission to do and yours was taking down one of the targets." Yuki swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. Great, more killing. "He was supposed to be alone but unfortunately our information was incorrect and there were six other men with him. You managed to destoy the target and five of the other men but one got away. At that time no one of us knew that those six men belonged to the local yakuza," Omi sighed and glanced at Aya. Yuki's mind was running like a manic bull. He remembered that, kind of.   
"The sixth man was Fukunishi and he informed Hattori about what had happened and since he had seen my face they went after me," he mumbled.   
"Yes Ken. We had no other choice than to ask the organization to hide you until we could deal with Hattori and Fukunishi. You were given a false identity and hidden at a motel in Osaka. Aya took trips there once a week to leave information for you and to fetch anything you might have left there for us. I searched for information about Hattori and Yoji tried to lead the yakuza in the wrong direction but it didn't work. They refused to give up. Then the motel exploded and it was ruled as an accident. You're clothes, wallet and other things were still in your room so we thought you died in the explosion."   
"So that's why no one ever came looking for me?" Yuki sighed and glanced at the redhead. "I'll tell you what I know about what happened. A man, probably Fukunishi, told me he grabbed me from the motel and then blew it up. He took me to USA in order to get information from me, about what I have no idea but he did ask me about my lo…" Yuki swallowed and changed the sentence, "about Aya. He said that after he had gotten what he wanted he'd kill me. I don't remember telling him anything and since I'm alive something must have gone wrong."   
"It must have been Fukunishi," Yoji muttered. "He's the best man Hattori has, probably good enough to find Ken on his own. Fukunishi used to be a cop but he got suspended and started working as a PI before he joined the yakuza."   
"Hattori asked me about Fukunishi and said that he was ordered to kill me, or rather Ken, but never returned. I don't remember how the man who grabbed me looked but there is one thing that I thought was strange," the brunette mumbled and remembered the dream.   
"What?" Aya asked and met his eyes for the first time since they had left the club.   
"He knew about you and m… Ken," Yuki answered and avoided the amethyst gaze. Aya, Yoji and Omi frowned as one and looked at each other.   
"Ken's right that is strange Aya," the lanky blonde said quietly. "I didn't even know about you two until after." The redhead's face had gone back to being completely stoic.   
"So how could Fukunishi have known? Besides that, there's something else that bothers me," Omi muttered and bit his lower lip. "Why go through so much trouble? Why didn't he just kill Ken? It seems like a real long detour to drag him to the other side of the world to get some information."   
"Yeah, and just what could Ken possibly know that the yakuza would benefit so much from finding out?" Yoji asked and lit a cigarette.   
"Could I have one?" Yuki sighed and nodded towards the pack in the blonde's hand.   
"Ken you don't smoke," the lanky blonde objected and stared at him.   
"Yes I do!"   
"No Ken you don't!"   
"Give it to him Yoji! He's not Ken," Aya said coldly and again turned his back at them. Yuki winced at the statement and closed his eyes. That really hurt. "I know why Hattori wanted Ken," the redhead added after a while.   
"What!?" the taller blonde almost yelled. "What do you mean you know why?"   
"Ken had a folder with him. It contained information about Weiss, the organization and a series of missions we were supposed to carry out to take out organized crime in Tokyo. With it Hattori could have wiped out the competition, us and damaged Kritiker."   
"I did? But there was no folder in my backpack and if Fukunishi already had it why didn't he just kill me?" Yuki asked in confusion.   
"Ken left the folder at the place where we exchanged information," Aya answered slowly, his voice no longer cold but hollow. "Omi was right, there was a leak in the organization and Manx didn't manage to locate and silence it fast enough. Hattori was informed about the folder, and maybe Ken's location, but he had no way of knowing that Ken no longer had what he wanted. At the time of the explosion neither one of us knew that Ken's location was known to them."   
"But why did he have it in the first place?" Omi asked and looked at the redhead.   
"Because I gave it to him," Aya mumbled. "There was a part of Kritiker that didn't want to help Ken, so I gave him the folder hoping that that would force them not to just leave him high and dry."   
"Why didn't you tell us about this?" Yoji growled and glared at the younger assassin.   
"I wasn't allowed to. I couldn't even tell Ken the whole truth," came the quiet reply.   
"Aya-kun there's more to this story isn't there?" Omi asked softly. Yuki locked his eyes with the redhead's and pleaded for an explanation.   
"Someone found out about Ken and me and that raised questions within Kritiker that the people who later turned out to be the leak fueled. It was argued that us being involved would put missions at risk, that the two of us couldn't be trusted to put our jobs first anymore. But after looking over our missions they came to the conclusion that I was safe and Ken wasn't," Aya explained and suddenly looked extremly beaten and lost. "I was cold hearted enough not to run to the rescue and ruin a mission if Ken got hurt. But since Ken had left a target once to save me the figured he wasn't. We all know that that mission was special and the target was destroyed, but those people concluded that Ken would protect me instead of focusing on the missions."   
"That's a load of bullshit!" Yoji spat out. "We all know Ken knows how important those missions are!" _Why doesn't one of them say that Aya isn't so cold that he wouldn't even care if I got… if Ken got hurt? _Yuki asked inside. _Doesn't he love me… Ken? _  
"It didn't matter what we thought or knew Yoji," Aya sighed. "If we hadn't gotten mixed up with the yakuza that night they would have removed Ken from the team." Yuki shuddered at the thought of how much pain the redhead must have gone through. No wonder Aya had freaked out when he found out Ken was dead. What the hell was wrong with that organization Kritiker anyway? Breaking lovers apart, playing with lives, doubting that he would do his job?   
"You're telling us that Manx and Birman were involved in this too?"   
"No Yoji, it's because of those two that the mess got sorted out. Unfortunately it got sorted out too late. I found out that the leak had been terminated and that everything had been taken care of the same day Ken's motel exploded. I was on my way to bring him back to Tokyo when Manx called me."   
"That's why you asked me to please come back to you when I left for Osaka," Yuki mumbled and watched amethyst eyes that were flooded with hurt and loss. "And that's what you meant by 'Don't trust anyone, they're after you'. You weren't talking about the yakuza, you meant Kritiker." Aya nodded slowly.   
"I couldn't tell you what was going on but I know I should have," the redhead almost whispered. Yuki felt his heart pound a little faster when Aya talked to him as if he really was Ken. "If I had told you you wouldn't have stayed at that motel but gone somewhere safe instead."   
"Wait just a minute here," Yoji said and tilted his head slightly. "You remember what Aya told you when you left for Osaka?"   
"Not exactly but I've dreamt my way through it almost every night for a year and a half. At first I just thought it was a strange dream but then I came here and I heard Aya's voice and I understood that it was a memory," Yuki answered.

The house was dark, quiet and he was alone. Slowly he pulled up his legs so he could rest his chin against his knees. He was exhausted and yet he couldn't settle down to sleep. The questions that darted around inside his head were tearing him apart. Yuki sighed deeply and wrapped his arms around his legs. Yoji and Omi had insisted that he should stay with them since Hattori might still be after him and Yuki had agreed. It wasn't because he was scared of the yakuza though, it was because he was scared of himself. Kate had once told him that he was the kindest man she had ever met, that he had a heart that would never allow him to hurt another human being. Yuki shook his head. He had blood on his hands from killing God only knew how many men and women. Aya had told him that they were bad people but did that really justify what he had done? Yuki wasn't sure about the answer to that question and perhaps it didn't matter since he couldn't change the past. The people who had hired him to kill had wanted to turn their backs at him, to sacrifice him just because he had a relationship with Ran. Yuki shuddered at the thought of the redhead. He wanted Ran back with Ken but Ken wasn't there, Ken might never come back again. What would that possibility mean for his life? He didn't even want to know. Slowly Yuki rose from the couch and started pacing the livingroom. Omi had asked him why he didn't just stay in his own room but Yuki couldn't find the words to explain the reason. How could they possibly understand how much pain it inflicted on him to be so close to Aya? He didn't even understand it himself. A few fuzzy pieces of memories were all he had of the tall red haired man and it was killing him that he couldn't remember more. Without thinking Yuki headed for the stairs. Aya had looked so defeated and broken when they returned. The older man felt guilty for what had happened to his lover even though it wasn't his fault. Sighing to himself the brunette stopped infront of a door. How had he ended up outside Aya's room? The door stood slightly ajar so Yuki quietly pushed it open. A silhouette stood infront of the window dimly lit by the moon, his back facing the room. It all looked so familier, almost as if he had déjà vu. Suddenly Yuki felt as if time stopped and he found himself being pulled outside reality. The sceen infront of him changed slightly. Aya was still standing in the same place but now he was clad only in a pair of black pants and his bare back almost glowed in the moonlight. Confused Yuki vannished into one of his forgotten memories. 

~TBC~

This chapter might be confusing… If so I'm sorry. To me it isn't but then I know how I think… Anyway, if there's something that seems strange just tell me so and I'll try to explain that part or those parts better. 

Yoji is probably a bit weird in this fic. I do have a problem with his character. He's the most difficult one for me to understand so please forgive me if he's OOC in this chapter and further ones.

I got a mail from a reader who wanted to know just what Ran/Aya thinks and feels. Fear not dear readers you will find out in chapter 6 just what it is Ran/Aya is going through. I wasn't going to change the POV but I realize that I need to. There are a lot of things going on that we need Ran/Aya in order to see. Chapter 6 will also show the diffrences between the 'old' Ken and the 'new'.

Next chapter is in the making and will be posted soon. It starts with Yuki's/Ken's flashback. Ja/Atsureki


	5. Flashbacks, Illusions and Reality

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : Do I really have to do this again? *whines* No matter how unfair it might be I don't own these guys or anything else for that matter. There all done!

Warnings : Yaoi, Lemon-stuff (future chapters), OCC, angst (as usual) and um hm I'm probably forgetting something here…

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or letters, //_Italic_// are flashbacks in dreams and //No Italic// are flashbacks while awake. Confusing isn't it? Sorry about that. 

Chapter 5. Flashbacks, Illusions and Reality

//He carefully opened the door a little and peeked in. Aya was standing by the window with his back towards him. Ken swallowed and knocked on the door. No response. Slowly he entered the room and stopped a few feet from the frozen man. In the dark Aya looked like a statue, chiseled to perfection by a loving sculptor but the blood that still trailed from a cut just underneath his shoulderblade flawed the image. Ken sighed. He had feelings for that stoic and complicated man but they were doomed to remain hidden forever. It was better to hide them than to come clean and be rejected, and rejected was exactly what he would be if he told the older assassin. Aya didn't feel anything he didn't find absolutely necessary to feel. Carefully Ken approached his team-mate not sure how to get his attention.   
"Aya?" he asked just barely loud enough for the other man to hear him. No movement, no answer. "Aya?" he tried again, a little louder.   
"Aa." The deep smooth voice was hushed.   
"You need to have that wound cleaned." Ken thought he heard Aya sigh but he wasn't sure.  
"I can take care of it myself," came the expected bland answer. The redhead always tended to his injuries himself but that one he wouldn't be able to reach. Ken winced, it hurt when Aya always pushed him away making it so clear that his help wasn't wanted or needed.   
"Why can't you just let me help you this one time?" the brunette asked with sadness, finally giving voice to how he felt inside. A stoic face was turned to him and amethyst eyes met his.   
"Fine," Aya answered callously before he walked over to the bed and sat down. Ken followed and sank down beside the redhead. Strong shoulders and a smooth back faced him as the taller man shifted to give him access to the cut. Carefully Ken started cleaning the wound. It wasn't very deep but it looked nasty due to all the blood. Aya's skin was soft and warm under his fingers, something that the brunette had to struggle to ignore. "Why do you always want to help me?" The sudden question almost caused Ken to fall off the bed. What was he suppose to answer to that?   
"Eh… why shouldn't I? You're my friend Aya." The redhead seemed to be contemplating that for a moment.   
"Am I? I'm no ones friend Ken," Aya said and Ken could have sworn he heard hurt in that voice.   
"Why do you say that?" the brunette frowned and let his hands fall from the taller man's back.  
"Dead people don't have friends."   
"Aya!" Ken objected harshly and grabbed the redhead's arm. "What are you talking about?" Aya was scaring him now, acting nothing like the bland man he usually was.   
"I… I can't feel anything Ken," Aya almost whispered and that time the brunette knew that he heard fear in his voice. He had to do something, he couldn't stand to see and hear his friend act like that.   
"Aya, look at me," Ken ordered softly. Slowly the taller man turned around and faced him. "You're as much alive as I am." Amethyst eyes met brown shining with something Ken couldn't make out.   
"No I'm not." Aya ran his hand through crimson hair, he was shaking. Without thinking Ken moved closer and pulled the disturbed assassin into his arms half expecting to be pushed away. But instead the redhead clinged to him, almost desperatly. Ken held him and softly mumbled comforting words as Aya cried with his face hidden in the brunette's shirt.// 

The world started moving again and Yuki shuddered. Never before had he had a flashback when he was awake and it was a lot diffrent than the ones he had had in his dreams. In his dreams he was outside looking in, now he had been Ken. It was the memory of the first time he had seen any weaknessess in Aya, or any real emotions for that matter and it had meant so much that he was the one who got to see them. Confused but glad about the pieces he could finally grasp the brunette gathered his thoughts. More flashbacks ran through his mind. If he just could show Aya that he did remember some things about the two of them then maybe he could get through to him?   
"You once asked me why I hide behind a mask of smiles," he said softly. A tiny shift in the redhead's posture told him that the other man had heard him. "I told you that when I smile at someone they smile back which at least means that I had made someone's life a little better."  
"The only way to tell how you really feel is to look you in the eyes," Aya mumbled but didn't turn around.   
"That's why I always hide underneath my bangs. I don't want others to see how I really feel. We both wear masks Aya but you used to let yours down when talking to me," the brunette said quietly. Finally the redhead turned around and looked at him. His eyes were sad but his face was still stoic.   
"I didn't need to hide from you, you understood and even with my mask in place you always could tell what I really felt inside." The brunette knew that that was true but he had lost that now. Because of the loss of his memories he could no longer tell what Aya felt just by looking him in the eyes.  
"I felt the same way with you. Only with you I found myself feeling secure enough to show just how miserable I feel sometimes. Whenever I was sad or when I hurt I only had to look into your eyes, they always told me that I wasn't alone, that you shared my feelings with me." _I am Ken, _he said to himself. _I am Ken because I remember my love for Ran and I remember my fears. _  
"You always insisted on helping me even though I always pushed you away," Aya sighed. "I think that's why I fell in love with you. You didn't care that I was dead inside instead you let me borrow your sense of feeling. With you I became a human again."   
"No, you weren't dead inside Aya. You were always human, you just needed a little help to remember it." The room became silent.   
"Ken?"   
"Yes," the brunette answered without thinking. For the first time since he had come in contact with his old life it felt right to answer to that name.   
"I'm sorry."   
"Sorry about what?" Aya hesitated for a moment.   
"I'm sorry that I didn't warn you about Kritiker."   
"I don't blame you for that Aya. Even if I had died that day I wouldn't have blamed you for it. I know you tried to protect me and I know you were scared." An unsteady hand reached out and he took it.   
"Please come back to me Ken," the redhead almost whispered. "I don't want to be Aya anymore, I miss you and I miss us." The brunette swallowed and felt hot tears trail down his cheeks. With one step his body pressed against the redhead's. He wrapped his arms around Ran's slender waist and felt how his body shivered in joy. He didn't remember everything but he was back where he belonged, he was home. 

Ken snuggled closer to the warm body next to his and yawned. The best mornings were always those when he woke up next to Ran. With a half lidded eye he took a peek at the time. He was late. Huffing the brunette freed himself from his lover and put his feet on the floor. Omi was probably waiting for him downstairs. Quickly and quietly he left Ran's room to get out of the clothes he had slept in. _Some day, _he promised himself, _I'm not going to have to sneak around in the mornings. _After having changed his clothes Ken ran his hands through his messy hair and trotted down to the kitchen. Just as he had expected Omi was there.   
"Morning Omi-kun," he smiled and headed straight for the coffee. Big blue eyes stared at him.   
"K… Ken?" the slender blonde asked with confusion.   
"What's wrong Omi? I'm sorry I'm late, forgot to set the alarm last night," Ken said and rolled his eyes. "I hate having the morning shift on Saturdays." Blue eyes were still staring at him. Then it hit him. It wasn't Saturday and he no longer worked at the Koneko. He had had another of those strange memory-dreams so he had woken up in the illusion that everything was back to normal. Shaking like a leaf Ken sank down on one of the chairs. Even after remembering that Saturday morning his real life was out of his reach.   
"Are you alright?"   
"Hai, I just forgot that I don't remember," Ken sighed and wondered if Omi understood what he meant.   
"You sounded just like you used to," the blonde said quietly. The brunette had to smile at that. He was slowly getting closer to getting some of his life back again.   
"I've gotten some of my memories back. Talking to Aya last night triggered something." The sound of footsteps made them both look up. "Aya," Ken smiled and got up. Without thinking or caring what Omi might think he walked up to the redhead and hugged him. For a moment the taller man froze but then he returned the hug.   
"Aww." Brown and amethyst eyes stared at Omi who was standing there all starry eyed. Ken chuckled softly and leaned against the warm body he finally could remember, at least to some extension.   
"Don't you have school today?" Aya asked the blonde and let go of Ken.   
"Baka!" Omi muttered to himself. "I'm late!" In a flash he had grabbed his things and was out the door.   
"Still genki I see," Ken smiled and sat down.   
"Aa." For a moment they just looked at each other. "Listen… about last night…" the redhead mumbled.   
"What about it?" Ken wasn't sure he wanted to hear this.   
"I know you don't remember everything and I just don't want you to feel pressured into feeling things that aren't really there."   
"What you mean is that I shouldn't pretend that I care for you?" Ken asked quietly and saw how Aya nodded slightly. "How can you even think that I would do something like that to you?" The redhead played with his coffeecup and refused to look up.   
"Even after what happened yesterday I just don't know if you're really Ken," Aya admitted and gave him a bland look. So the redhead was back to not showing emotions again?   
"All I know is that I'm more Ken than I am Yuki. I don't know if I'll ever be able to remember everything. I can't remember my parents or what I did before I joined Weiss or how old I am but I do remember that I love you…" Ken damned himself. He had probably said too much.  
"Don't say those words to me! Not when you don't remember everything!" Aya said harshly. The brunette felt his heart crack. So his words meant nothing just because he couldn't remember everything else? So if his memory never came back completely Aya would never accept his feelings? That made him angry and it hurt so much.   
"Fine! You know, a part of me can't understand why Ken fell in love with you. I can't remember ever meeting a person who's as cold, unkind and distant as you!" he screamed with tears in his eyes before he stormed out. 

"I'm not going back there again!" Ken stated loudly as he crossed another street. It just hurt too much. Besides, he had said things to Aya that he didn't mean and that were so cruel. Why had he screams such cruel words? Ken bit his lip and shuddered from guilt and shame. Because it was tearing him apart that he couldn't remember, that he couldn't understand the past. Then Aya had snapped at him, rejected those three words and the brunette's heart had just cracked.. Ken whimpered. Was Aya right? Couldn't he love the redhead just because he didn't remember his past, their past? The brunette didn't know but he was getting more and more unsure about everything. He wanted to go back to Montana so that he could be Yuki again. Yuki was plain, well liked, had no blood on his hands and he wasn't in love with Ran or Aya. _I want to talk to Kate, _Ken sighed inside. He wanted her to hug him and make it all go away. Still crying he stopped and looked around. Where the hell was he? It was cold outside and he didn't have his jacket. Cursing Ken tried to find someone he could ask for directions. His eyes fell on a tall man with green eyes. "Dean," Ken whimpered. This was not good! With panic raising through his body he swirled around and ran as fast as he could. He just had to get away from that man. Panting and sweating he ducked into a store to hide. Dean was bigger than he was but also older so the brunette figured he should have been able to outrun him. Trembling with fear he peeked out from behind shelf. So far no sign of the green eyed man. He wanted to call the Koneko for help but he didn't know the number and he had no money with him. _I've sure gotten myself into a real mess this time, _Ken cursed to himself. But then didn't he always? The day was turning out to be a real bitch. Growling to himself Ken snuck out through the backdoor and found himself in an alley. Great, he was in some damn alley with no idea of how to get back to the shop. He huffed and started walking. The first time he had ended up at the Koneko his feet had taken him there automaticly but then he hadn't been trying to get there. Now he desperatly needed to get back… home? But the Koneko wasn't home nor was the house where he had lived. And he wasn't allowed to feel at home in Aya's arms. Ken stopped and closed his eyes. Beside that one time when the redhead had asked him to please come back to him and reached out his hand Aya had never really showed that he cared for him. Maybe he didn't? When they had met for the first time in the shop Aya hadn't even tried to touch him, hadn't really showed that he was glad to see his presumed dead lover. Ken winced at the hurt those thoughts brought with them. The previous night the redhead had told him that he had fallen in love with Ken because Ken hadn't cared that he was dead inside. So what if that meant that Aya had only been with him because he needed him? _Stop that! _the brunette growled inside. But he couldn't stop it. A part of him wanted that easy way out, wanted the truth to be that Aya had used him because if that was true then he could just walk away. Another part screamed in agony at the shear thought of it. Ken was just so very confused.   
"I should have stayed in Montana," he mumbled. "I should have been happy being with Kate and Matt, doing my job, riding around in the mountains, teaching the kids how to play soccer." He wanted to go back to Montana, back the place where he was safe, where things were easy and where there was nothing to remind him about Aya and the hurt in his heart. But could he just walk away from the redhead? Or would that be more than he could live with? Ken bit his lower lip. He needed to talk to Aya again, needed to see if there was any chance they could be together again. Sighing deeply he stopped the first person he saw to ask for the way back to the Koneko.

~TBC~

I don't really like how this chapter ended up. *pouts* But oh well there it is. And a small note to the flashback Yuki/Ken had. I went back and forth trying to decide just what the flashback would be and I decided that that one must have been rather important to Ken. It was after all the very first time he got close to Ran/Aya. Oh and from now on I will call Ken Ken and not Yuki. There will be other in future chapter who will call him Yuki though. Next chapter is from Ran/Aya's POV and should be done in under week or so. /Ja Atsureki


	6. Back To Square One

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I still don't own them, sorry…

Warnings : Yaoi, Lemon (future chapters), OCC, angst (as usual), me being a bastard…

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or letters, //No Italic// are flashbacks while awake. 

Chapter 6. Back To Square One

Aya stared at the wall and sighed deeply. He just didn't know what to do, what to feel anymore. When Ken had showed up at the Koneko he had froze completely. The only thing he had been able to get out was the brunette's name and then that damn mask of blandness had taken over. It wasn't something he was proud of but it was all he had been able to do. When Manx had told him that Ken was dead Ran had been placed in some sort of vacuum. At first he had panicked at the thought of being anywhere where he could be reminded of his lost lover. He had tried to leave Weiss but Yoji had stopped him. After that he had just… died. Ran had died because Ran couldn't exist without Ken, so he had been forced to go back to being Aya, but Aya didn't want to be Aya, Aya wanted to be Ran again. The redhead rubbed his face. It felt as if he was lost in some stupid dream that he couldn't wake up from. Ken was alive but was he Ken? Aya frowned slightly. Yes and no, the man who had appeared looked like Ken, sounded like Ken, felt like Ken, tasted like Ken, smelled like Ken but Aya hesitated at really stating that he was Ken. Why? _Because I've already lost him once,_ the redhead sighed inside. _What if he isn't Ken?What if he never becomes Ken? What if he never remembers and instead realizes that he doesn't love me the way Ken does, did? I can't stand losing him again and I can't stand only having a part of Ken back. I want it all, I want the Ken that died a year and a half go._ Aya sighed deeply and swallowed. He was scared, scared that he had lost his lover and then been given him back just to lose him all over again. That was something he just couldn't stand. There were diffrences between the 'real' Ken and the one who had stormed out from the kitchen that morning. The latter one dressed completely diffrent. Instead of torn baggy jeans and sloppy sweaters this Ken wore snug pants and well ironed shirts. Sure he looked good in both types of clothes but that wasn't the issue. The well-dressed Ken was wrong. But the biggest change was the one in Ken's eyes. Gone was the innocent fire, the warm smiling and the slight clumsiness that was so adorable. Besides that, the 'new' Ken was also a lot more closed up, he didn't wear his heart on his sleeve and sometimes his face was so formal. The 'real' Ken could be hard, especially during mission, but this formalness wasn't the same thing. It almost looked as if this 'new' Ken had a bit of Aya in him and that wasn't something the redhead wanted to see. Since they had become lovers he had learnt to read Ken in a way that still surprised him but this 'new' Ken was a lot harder to read, his eyes hid things the redhead wasn't even sure he wanted to see. Aya rose from his seat and walked through the corridore. Just a few hours earlier Ken had ran out of the kitchen in tears. His last words still echoed in the redhead's head. '_You know, a part of me can't understand why Ken fell in love with you. I can't remember ever meeting a person who's as cold, unkind and distant as you! _' Oh God how it had hurt to hear those words falling from Ken's lips. But what hurt even more was that the 'real' Ken never would have said them simply because Ran had never acted that way towards his lover making comments like that necessary. Aya was cold and unkind but Ran had always been tender and kind. It was true that even as Ran the redhead wasn't warm and friendly to most others but always to his lover. This was getting him nowhere. Aya headed for his room, but stopped when he reached Ken's door. Slowly he pushed it open and walked in. He had spent so many nights in that bed both with and without Ken. Those nights when he couldn't fall asleep because he missed his lover too much he had laid down on Ken's bed, curled up into a ball thightly hugging that orange sweater that the brunette usually wore around his waist. Aya had forgotten how many times he had cried himself to sleep with his face hidden in that sweater. Yoji had tried to get him to get rid of Ken's things but Aya had refused. The brunette's room had been his sanctuary, and still looked exactly as it had that day when Ken left for Osaka. Of course the redhead had understood that it was unhealthy to hang on to the past but it was all he had had left. For a moment Aya's mind pulled away to that night when he had tried to leave. 

//"Where are you going Ran?!" The redhead turned around and glared at the lanky blonde standing there.   
"None of your business Kudou," he scowled at his team-mate.  
"Are you just going to give up on everything?!" Yoji growled with anger and fought to calm himself down. "Look, we're all upset about Ken but we have to move on. We can't just die with him, Ken wouldn't have wanted us to do that," the blonde added with a much softer tone.  
"You don't know a thing about what Ken wanted," Ran croaked out and suddenly everything just came crashing down around him. "He's dead… I… was… on my way to… get him when…when…" the redhead studdered as he wept. "…Manx called. He's… he's gone Yoji. He's not coming back again." He couldn't take it, couldn't hide from the truth anymore. Ken was dead, gone forever. The lanky playboy was staring at him with surprise and confusion in his green eyes. "I just… want him back… again. Please?" Ran pleaded and sank to his knees. "Please, just… bring him back to me. I… don't want to… to… face one more… one more day without him. I… don't… don't think I can." Yoji kneeled beside the man who never before had showed any real feelings and pulled him close.   
"Sch Ran," he mumbled and hugged the trembling body of their fearless leader. "I miss him too but you can't leave us Ran. We need you and you need us."   
"I… I… need Ken… I… need… him to… to… come back," the redhead sobbed and hid his face in Yoji's shirt.   
"We all need Ken. I know he was special to you Ran but…" the lanky blonde said with confusion. Ran managed to calm down his crying a little and pushed himself away from Yoji.  
"I… I love, loved him," the red haired assassin mumbled quietly and looked up to meet the blonde's eyes. "Ken and I… were… lovers." Just saying that word, lovers, sent new tears pouring down his pale cheeks.// 

Aya shook his head as he pulled away from the memory. Yoji hadn't been completely shocked when he found out that Ran and Ken had been lovers but none the less it had been a surprise. Omi had already known, how Aya wasn't sure but he guessed that Ken had told the petit blonde. After that the redhead had hidded away his heartache, sorrow and despair behind that cold mask he was so good at putting up, but when he was alone it all came back. Yoji had wanted Ran to stay with them but the truth was that Ran was gone and instead Aya had come back. For months his two team-mates tip-toed around him while he got more and more difficult to be around. During missions he had been careless and several times Yoji and Omi had been forced to throw themselves between their leader and guards or targets just so he didn't get himself killed. Manx had talked to him, begged him to do something about the state he was in but it hadn't mattered to Aya. All that had mattered was the painfull fact that the one person he loved was gone and that it was his fault. If he would have left for Osaka earlier he could have saved Ken. It had taken him almost a year before he was numb enough inside to get his work done like he should. He no longer put himself at risk during missions but it wasn't because he cared, it was because he didn't know what else to do. Aya shook his head and left Ken's room. That night at The Insatiable he had given into the longing and it had felt so good. At last he had had his lover in his arms again but when they left and Ken told him about the dreams he had Aya had been painfully reminded that that man wasn't his Ken. He didn't know which was worse, having Ken back without him remembering everything or when he had thought the brunette was dead. He was just so confused, lost and felt so lonely. When Ken had talked to him the night before Aya had cracked. It had been too much for him to hear Ken talk about memories that they shared together. So he had pleaded to the brunette to please come back to him but after that his head started filling him with doubts again. The next morning Aya had felt guilty, almost as if he was betraying the 'real' Ken by seeking comfort in the 'new' Ken's arms.  
"This is ridiculous!" Aya said firmly as he sank down on his own bed. All his thinking only lead him further into a maze of questions he didn't have any answers to. Why couldn't he just stop being so damn unsure and just help Ken get his memory back? It was after all what he really wanted. But would the brunette accept his help after the harsh remark he had made earlier that day? Not very likely. Aya knew he would have to apologize for his behaviour and he better do it fast before he lost his nerve. Sighing deeply the redhead got up and made his way downstairs. To his surprise he found Yoji and Omi in the kitchen, hugging each other. The lanky blonde's eyes were confused and angry and his shorter team-mate was crying. Aya gave the older man a look filled with questions.   
"He's gone," was the only thing Yoji said as he cradled Omi in his arms. 

Ken was gone, again. Aya bit his lip and shook his head. Couldn't life ever be easy?   
"Manx came over to talk to Ken a few hours ago," Yoji said quietly as he stroke Omi over the hair. "They were talking for a long time before she left. When Ken came back he was upset and looked scared."   
"He said he was going back to Montana," Omi mumbled and dried his tears. Aya just stared at them. He didn't understand, refused to believe that Ken was gone again.   
"He left this for you," the lanky playboy sighed and handed the redhead a letter.   
"Who called Manx?!" Aya demanded to know and glared at his team-mates.   
"I did, the same day Ken came back," Omi admitted and winced when the redhead's cold eyes met his.   
"Aya stop that! You don't even know what they were talking about." Aya scowled and hugged the letter.   
"I'm sorry Aya-kun," the short blonde mumbled. The redhead gave him one last glare before he turned around and walked away. If Ken had left it was most likely because of what he had said to him earlier that day. Aya cursed himself. How stupid was a person allowed to be? Still holding the letter in a deathgrip he locked himself inside his room and sank down on the bed. Shaking he opened it and started reading. 

__

Aya, 

What you said this morning was true. I was feeling pressured into feeling things that weren't really there, that I can't remember. I shouldn't have said that I love you because I don't. I know Ken does but I'm not Ken, I'll probably never be him again. My doctor back in Montana told me that I might never get my memory back and I'm starting to think he was right. It's been such a long time and I still can't remember much of anything. It'll be better for both of us if I just leave and go back home where I belong. There's someone waiting for me there that I care a lot about, someone who doesn't know about my past. I've talked to Manx and she's willing to let me go. I'll never be Ken again but Takayuki isn't such a bad guy either. I'm sorry I showed up and caused all of you so much trouble. Please forgive me for that. 

Yuki

If someone would have carved out Aya's heart with a spoon it wouldn't have hurt nearly as much as reading that letter did. Things were back to square one. He had lost Ken all over again, just as he had feared, but this time Ken had even told him that he didn't love him. Aya hugged himself and tried to understand what just had happened. The letter had said that there was someone waiting for Ken back in Montana. So he had been replaced, Ken loved someone else. But what about all the things the brunette had said? The fire and love had been there when they had kissed, hadn't it?   
"Aya?" The redhead looked up. "Aya open the door!"   
"Go away Yoji!" he barked.   
"Open the door Fujimiya!" the blonde yelled and pounded on the door. "I think you want this!"   
"Want what?" Aya muttered but unlocked the door. Yoji came in and handed the redhead a packet. "What's this?"   
"It was just delivered, it's from Ken," the blonde said quietly. Aya's hands shook as he opened the packet. It was the brunette's orange sweater and the necklace he had given to Ken. So it was really over? The last thing connecting them had been returned, rejected. 

The Koneko was quiet, almost empty. The few customers that had dared to stay made sure they kept their voices down. Ten minutes earlier Aya had thrown a fit, flipped out completely. He just couldn't take it anymore. Those damn school-girls were driving him insane with their constant babbling and flirting. He had a headache, a heartache and hadn't slept for days. Two weeks had dragged themselves past the redhead since that day when Ken left and time didn't make life any easier.   
"Aya-kun?" a soft voice ask carefully.   
"Hai Omi." Aya really tried to be a little nicer to his team-mates especially Omi, who felt so bad for calling Manx. It wasn't their fault Ken had left nor that his life sucked.   
"Why don't you just let me close today. You look so tired." Normally the redhead would have scowled at that but Omi was right, he was tired, so very tired.   
"Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself?" he asked and almost managed to smile a little at the genki youth.   
"Hai Aya-kun. Go for a walk or something." The older assassin ruffled the blonde mop of hair and nodded.   
"I think I'll go visit Aya-chan," he sighed and left the shop. His sister always listened to him, she always had. Slowly he entered his car and sighed. Ken had always listened to him too. Frowning he pushed his thoughts away and drove the familier road to where he'd find his sister. He had been there so many times he could have gone there in his sleep. He parked in his usual place and walked past the gates. The day was warm and the smell from flowers fresh. There she was, smiling at him as usual. Aya sat down infront of his sister and ran a finger over her cheek.   
"I'm sorry I haven't been to see you for a while," he said softly and put a single red rose, he had brought from the shop, between them. "I don't know what to do anymore Aya-chan. I miss him so much and it hurts even more that I know he has someone else now. He even gave back the necklace." As if to prove to her he was telling the truth Aya pulled out the two necklaces he wore. "A part of me really wants to go to Montana and… check on him but I'm scared he'll push me away. What do you think I should do?" As usual she didn't answer, she never did. She listened but never said anything and she never would. Sighing sadly Aya caressed the face of his lost sister. She smiled so happily at him from the picture that was inbedded in the white tombstone. Aya had picked it all out himself of course, the stone, the picture, the two little angels that sat on each corner and the two roses crossing each other over her name. That stone had cost a fortune but it was all he had left of his sister so it was worth it. "I'm gonna get going Aya-chan but I'll be back soon I promise," the redhead sighed and caressed her cheek one more time before he got up. 

Ken's room was empty, naked except for two things. Aya had left his former lover's bed and the orange sweater. Those two things were all he had left now except for the necklace. He slept in there when he actually managed to sleep which wasn't very often. Aya sighed and hugged the sweater with longing. He knew he looked awful with his hallowed eyes, he had lost weight and was paler than ever. Yoji and Omi worried about him and he really tired to take care of himself but his body was fighting against him. Somehow he had to crawl out of the pit he was in but how? He didn't understand how it had gotten so bad. Sure he missed Ken and he was heartbroken over that the brunette had left him but was it reason enough to fall apart so completely? After all Ken was still alive, probably happy. Or was that perhaps the reason why he felt so miserable? The redhead didn't know. What he did know howerever was that he needed closure. There were too many lose strings still left hanging between him and Ken. But in order to tie those up he needed to go to Montana and that was not something appealing to the redhead. He was, as he had told his sister, scared that he would be pushed away, rejected again.   
"Aya-kun." Aya looked up and saw Yoji and Omi standing in the doorway.   
"Aa?"   
"It's been three months, we think this has gone on for long enough now," the lanky blonde said and came in. "I'll be the first to say that I wanted you to be a little more human but seriously Aya… you can't keep this up." The redhead scowled slightly and huffed. Trust the playboy to stick his nose where it didn't belong.   
"Still sticking your nose were it don't belong Kudou?" he growled.   
"Now that's the Aya we all know and love," Yoji smiled sweetly at him. "We all know you're not my biggest fan but I'm worried, you're falling apart. Manx has put Weiss on hold for a few months, she's afraid you'll get yourself killed if she sends us on a mission." Aya snorted. Live with a dead heart, die with a dead heart, what was the diffrence?   
"Get out!" he muttered darkly and turned his back to them.   
"Aya-kun please let us help you," Omi pleaded.   
"Get! Out!"   
"No! You're going to pack your things in a little suitcase and get your icey ass to the airport in… ten hours. We're taking a little trip!" Yoji said with his voice forcefull and stubborn.  
"I'm not going anywhere Kudou!" Aya snapped and turned around again.   
"Don't mess with me Fujimiya, I'm not in the mood! We are going to Montana to sort out this mess whether you like it or not!" Baffled amethyst eyes met green.   
"Montana?"   
"Yes. Now are you gonna come on your own or do I have to drag your skinny ass there?" Yoji asked and tapped his foot on the floor. 

~TBC~

Well this chapter is gonna get me killed. *whines* I'm sorry ppl! You might find Ran/Aya's thinking a bit messy but please bare in mind he is very confused and scared about the whole Yuki/Ken situation.

And last but not least in any way what so ever! A shitload of thanks and glomps to Jin and fei who are just the best! I'm serious here. *nods* Um unless they both kill me after this chapter that is…/Ja Atsureki


	7. Cowboys And Weiss

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I've just bought Weiss Kreuz *nods proudly* Oh okay so I don't own them but I can dream can't I?

Warnings : Yaoi, Lemon (future chapters), OCC, angst (as usual), probably should be more warning but we'll leave it at this

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts or letters, //No Italic// are flashbacks while awake. 

A note to a review I got… The warning says OOC, my warnings always says that simply because I'm not the one who created the original characters which means that it's almost impossible for me to keep them completely in character. And to Ran being OOC… In the series Ran is Aya, in here Ran is Ran or a mix of them. Ran has lost the one person he had left and even if he's not an emotinal person I can assure you that it would affect him deeply. And to the others, I've already said that I suck at Yoji's character, I just don't get him very good. Not much I can do about it. Ken on the other hand doesn't really know who he is and therefor of course is OOC. The way I let my readers know exactly what Ran is feeling is the only way for me to really show what he is feeling. I can't just assume that my readers see it the same way as I do. Without that information the story dies. I'm sorry if you don't like it but it's the way I write. 

And to the whole Yakuza thing this story has plenty of chapters left… 

Wow that sounded harsh and bitchy *sighs* I'll blame the heat… *nods* Now on to the next chapter…

Chapter 7. Cowboys And Weiss

There was something fishy about their trip to Montana, Aya could feel it in his bones. The first thing that had tipped him of was the trip itself, it had been arranged way too quickly. The second thing was the fact that he had seen Omi pack his darts, bow and arrows. Yoji had said that they were staying at a ranch so why would the genki blonde need his weapons? Besides, no one had stopped them at the airport even though Aya knew that along with Omi's things they also had his katana with them. The whole thing smelled Kritiker. At the moment Yoji was flirting with anyone he could get close to and Omi was asleep. Aya scowled at the lanky playboy who he was sure was behind the whole mess. The plane-ride had been long and boring but they would land in about two hours, which in Aya's head was two hours too much. A blonde stewardess approached him with a smile.  
"Yes?" he asked flatly in english and glared at her.  
"You rang for me Sir," she smiled at him.  
"No I didn't," Aya grunted and really wanted her to just go away and leave him alone.  
"Miss." Yoji smiled at the stewardess and sank down on his seat. "Excuse my grumpy friend here but he's right he didn't call for you, I did." Aya scowled again and muttered to himself.  
"Well then Sir what can I do for you?" she asked softly and blushed a little.  
"Oh I just couldn't end this flight without having a word with such a lovely lady as yourself," Yoji flirted and laced his voice with silk. _Oh please!_ Aya groaned inside. He was already annoyed enough without having to listen to that crap.  
"Kudou, knock it off!" the redhead snarled in japanese and glared at his team-mate.  
"Not in this lifetime Fujimiya," Yoji grinned and turned his attention to the sweet stewardess.  
"You know he can't help himself," Omi yawned and opened his big blue eyes.  
"If he was a dog I'd have him castrated," Aya muttered sourly and turned his back to the playboy. Omi giggled and rubbed his eyes.  
"I heard that," Yoji pouted at the redhead. "Don't even joke about things like that. The shear thought makes my skin crawl!"  
"Your flirting makes my skin crawl so I guess we're even then," Aya huffed and closed his eyes. "And when are you two going to tell me the real reason we're on our way to Montana?"  
"What do you mean?" Omi asked with his voice completely innocent.  
"Knock off the innocent act Omi, I'm not buying it!"  
"But I…"  
"Let me handle this Omi," Yoji interrupted the younger blonde. "Aya what makes you think we're hiding something from you?" The redhead opened his eyes a little and glanced at the playboy.  
"This whole thing smells Kritiker and I saw Omi pack his bow."  
"So?"  
"You rope cattle you don't use a bow and arrows Yoji!" Aya answered with annoyance.  
"You're not gonna have anything much to do with the cattle Aya, you're gonna be way to busy with trying to catch Ken. You might need a lasso for that though," the blonde snickered and poked the redhead. Aya sighed deeply and wished he was back at the Koneko instead of on a stupid plane on his way to Montana. He wanted to see Ken again of course but he was scared and unsure of how the brunette would react.

Just as promised they were picked up from the airport by the owner of the ranch. The stocky man who greeted them looked like he had stepped right out from an episode of Bonanza and introduced himself as Hank. His teeth were brown from chewing tobacco and he smelled like he had gone a few years without showers.  
"Well let's get this show on the road," Hank grinned at them and nodded to his car. "It's a long drive to the ranch from here. You're lucky it's summer, during winter we can barely get the front door open." Aya sighed deeply and glanced at the car. It looked like it would fall apart at any moment. "It'll be dark when we get there but May promised to keep dinner warm." With a deadly headache Aya got in and tried to find room enough to sit down. The whole car was packed with tools, boots, reins and ropes. It was going to be an uncomfortable drive and the redhead was fed up with it before they had even left the airport.  
"Will we get to work with the cattle?" Omi asked and beamed at Hank.  
"You sure will. We'll be moving them down from the mountains later this week. Most of our guests stay at the ranch though. Herding cattle is hard work especially since we have to do it by horse. But we have some help from an airplane these days. Used to take us forever to find the strays," Hank explained and allowed the car to roll away from the airport. "My boys will help you get settled and pick out horses for you tomorrow. Just let me warn you, in a few days your rumps will be tender." The cowboy chuckled and his belly bounced up and down.  
"Any ladies around?" Yoji wondered and grinned from ear to ear.  
"Not on the ranch, except for May of course, but there's a bar in town. Most of my boys goes there for a beer or two and to chase some skirts." Satisfied with the answer Yoji leaned back and closed his eyes. "You guys should have a talk with one of my neighbours I think he's japanese too," Hank nodded. "He's a great guy, trains the local soccer-team and he's a real devil when it comes to breaking yearlings. But he has been acting a little strange these past three months since he got back from his trip." Aya swallowed. That guy had to be Ken, or should that be Yuki? Maybe this thing was a bad idea. The redhead chewed on his lower lip and frowned. What right did he have to come barging into Ken's life again? Hadn't the brunette made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing more to do with his old life? Aya rubbed his aching head and sighed.

Hank had said it had been dark when they had reached the Ranch and he had been correct. The cowboy's wife had had dinner ready for them but Aya had been too tired and kranky to eat anything. A night of exhausted sleep hadn't done much to change his mood. Scowling at everything the redhead waited for one of Hank's men to appear. Yoji didn't look much happier since he had been forced into a pair of jeans and a shirt that did nothing to show off his body. Omi on the other hand looked like he was in heaven. The genki youth had gone into full cowboy-mode and could barely restrain himself from bouncing up and down.  
"Howdy boys," a lazy voice said and a tall lanky cowboy walked towards them. "I'm Dez." Aya glared at him.  
"Howdy Dez," Omi grinned. "I'm Omi and this is Yoji and Ran." Dez nodded to them and fiddled with the belt on his jeans.  
"Hank wants me to pick out some horses for you. Has anyone of you ridden before?" Yoji and Omi shook their heads while Aya nodded. His little sister had liked horses so he had been forced to go with her a few times.  
"I suppose you've been doing it the english way huh?" Dez asked and eyed the tall redhead up and down.  
"Excuse me?"  
"I'll take that as a yes," Dez muttered and lit a cigarette. "Follow me boys." They all headed towards a paddock containing about 10 horses. Dez eyed each one of the three young men carefully and then turned to the horses. "Hm, we'll try this for now and change if needs be. Okay you boys head over to the barn and I'll get the horses." Aya frowned and took the lead. He was so not in the mood for riding or doing anything else for that matter. Why did they have to play tourists anyway? Couldn't they just go see Ken and get it over with?  
"This is gonna be so much fun," Omi chirped and almost bounced beside Aya.  
"If anyone sees me in this outfit it'll ruin my reputation completely," the lanky blonde complained. Aya huffed at them both and crossed his arms. It didn't take long before Dez joined them leading four horses.  
"We'll start with… Omi," he said with his lazy voice and pointed to the smallest one of the horses. "This is Butter, she's a pearl. Takes real good care of you." The mare was a warm almost yellow color and had friendly eyes. "And for… what was your name Blondie?" Dez asked and looked at the lanky playboy.  
"Yoji."  
"Ah Yoji." Dez handed the blonde a rope. "This is Suzy, you'll have to charm her into working for you but I don't think that'll be a problem for you." Yoji grinned and patted the large bay mare.  
"I know my way around the ladies."  
"So I thought. And for um Red we have Buck. Stubborn and a bit grumpy but you'll manage him."  
"Stubborn and a bit grumpy?" Yoji asked and smirked at Aya. "Did you mean the horse or him?" The redhead snarled something under his breath and turned to his horse. Buck was huge and almost black.  
"His name's Ran!" Omi objected.  
"No it's Aya!" the redhead muttered. Just because his passport said Ran it didn't mean he wanted others to call him that.  
"Which one is it?" Dez asked in confusion and lead the last horse into the barn gesturing to the others to follow him.  
"Red's fine," Aya sighed. It was going to be a long stay. It took a while for them to get the horses ready but Dez was patience.  
"We'll start slow with a tour around the ranch so mount up." Aya had to admitt that there was something majestic about sitting on an animal made out of pure muscles and power. Buck was big and just as Dez had said not very friendly. He glanced at his team-mates. Omi had fallen in love with Butter who was just as sweet and kind as the blonde and Yoji seemed to have charmed Suzy just as he did with all females. "Is everybody ready?" Dez asked and lit another cigarette. The cowboy looked more at home on his horse than he had on the ground.  
"Ready!" Omi beamed and patted Butter.  
"Ready," the lanky blonde nodded.  
"Aa." The four of them rode past the paddock and towards a large field. Aya relaxed and absently took in the view. The place was beautiful and it was pretty nice to be back on a horse again.

After one hour by horse Aya had to admitt that he had been enjoying himself. They had seen most of the ranch and Dez had explained what they would be doing during their stay. When they returned Yoji borrowed on of the trucks and said he was going to check out the town. Omi had gone with him which left Aya with Dez. The lanky cowboy was silence and never smiled but he was all the company the redhead could stand at the moment. Dez took him to the barn and together they started feeding the horses.  
"I have to check some fences later today so if you feel up to spending a few more hours by horse you're welcome to tag along," Dez said when they were done. Aya sighed. He might as well since Yoji and Omi probably would be gone for most of the day.  
"Sure."  
"How come you came all the way to Montana?" The redhead winced at the question. How was he suppose to answer that?  
"I don't really know Yoji and Omi dragged me along," he finally said and shrugged. Dez looked at him for a while and nodded.  
"Trying to cheer you up huh?" At that Aya almost had to smile.  
"Yeah."  
"Sounds like good friends you got there."  
"Hm," was the only thing Aya commented that with. "By the way Hank said something about a japanese neighbour."  
"Ah yes. Nice kid but he is rather strange. Showed up almost two years ago, out of nowhere. He works at the horse ranch on the other side of the river but he keeps to himself most of the time now," Dez answered and shrugged. "He's my son's soccer coach." Sounded like Ken alright.  
"What do you mean showed up out of nowhere?" Aya asked and tried to sound like he was just curious.  
"A hiker found him up in the mountains. Appearently he doesn't remember who he is. At first he was real open and stuff but after he got back from Japan he just closed himself up. Doesn't even open up to his girlfriend anymore," Dez answered and shrugged again. Girlfriend? Aya sighed deeply. "You'll probably see him toworrow when we help Kate bring down the horses. Yuki usually helps her too." _Oh great,_ Aya thought and sighed again. He was going to meet his former lover again along with his girlfriend.  
"I see." Dez looked at him for a while and raised an eyebrow.  
"Well it's time for lunch." The redhead nodded and followed Dez to the main building.

Just as Aya had thought Yoji and Omi were gone most of the day and didn't return until it was dark. There was something strange with the two blondes when they got back. Omi seemed concerned and Yoji was very quiet.  
"So did you boys enjoy yourselves?" Hank asked them when they sat down to have supper.  
"Um yes," Omi mumbled and concentrated on his food.  
"What did you two do in town exactly?" Aya asked his friends in japanese and glared at them.  
"Nothing much," Yoji answered and refused to look at the redhead.  
"Spill it Kudou!" Aya demanded and glared even harder.  
"We might as well tell him Yoji," Omi said quietly and glanced at the taller blonde.  
"You were asking questions about Ken weren't you?" Aya asked flatly. Yoji looked at him and sighed.  
"Not exactly. Listen Aya, we'll talk about this later okay, this is not the time nor the place."  
"Yoji's right," Omi agreed softly. "Besides, it's very rude of us to speak japanese." Aya huffed but nodded reluctlently and glanced at the other people around the table. They might not be able to understand what the three men were saying but it hadn't escaped them that the conversation wasn't very friendly.  
"When we get out of here you two better tell me what the hell is going on here!" the redhead muttered and turned his attention to the food.  
"We will Ran," Yoji sighed in english. They finished their supper in silence and then excused themselves.

"You were right all along Aya, Kritiker arranged this trip," Omi said when they had settled down in their room.  
"Manx wants us to see if we can figure out what happened to Fukunishi and Ken once they got here. It seems like Hattori is getting restless back in Tokyo."  
"What do you mean Yoji?" Aya asked and frowned.  
"His men were spotted watching the Koneko and Manx told us that Ken was followed when he left for the airport," the lanky blonde answered slowly. "The freelance yakuza are having problems with the clan yakuza in Tokyo. Hattori needs to wipe out some of the competition and to do that he needs the information in that folder you were talking about."  
"But I destroyed it."  
"So Manx said but Hattori probably doesn't know that. Kritiker is worried that they're going after either us or Ken. We have no way of knowing if Ken said anything about us when Fukunishi grabbed him or if any information got through to Hattori," Omi sighed. "When we were in town earlier we asked around for Fukunishi but no one seems to have seen or had any contact with him. I think Ken killed him before he lost his memory and if I'm right we have to make sure no one has found his body. Because if they have they'll arrest Ken for it." Aya growled to himself. Omi was right. "We don't know where Fukunishi took Ken, all we have is the location where he was found. That's why we wanted to tag along when Hank and the others bring down the cattle. It gives us a great excuse to snoop around."  
"The bad news is that we're going to get some horses tomorrow and Dez told me that we'll probably run into Yuki," Aya sighed.  
"Since when did you go back to calling him Yuki?" Yoji asked and raised an eyebrow.  
"This was a bad idea! Yuki made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with us and now thanks to you two we're barging into his life again," Aya growled and ignored the question.  
"Are you stupid?" Yoji snapped and glared at his team-mate. "Don't you understand that Ken's in danger?! If Hattori was desperate enough to send his best man and Ken all the way over here to get the information two years ago what makes you think he isn't desperate enough to send someone over here to kill Ken now?"  
"Yoji is right. Manx has a real problem with locating Hattori but even worse is that it seems like he has a new guy working for him. Fukunishi was bad enough but this new guy is worse," Omi nodded. "His name is Dean Walker and not only is he an ex Marine but he's also a former FBI-agent. Dean's smart, powerfull and has enough connections over here to really mess things up and… Manx can't find him." Aya rubbed his temples and cursed. Hattori and his damn yakuza was becoming a real bother and they weren't acting the way they should. They weren't a real clan yakuza so they shouldn't have enough money or power to cause so much problems.  
"Ken is in some deep shit here Aya. If Dean gets to him he'll try to get the information but Ken doesn't have it, he can't even remember ever having it! You do understand what that means don't you?" Yoji sighed.  
"He'll kill him," Aya said and forced his voice to sound bland.  
"Yes. I suggest you try to talk to Ken, make him understand how dangerous this is and get him out of sight."  
"How am I suppose to do that Yoji?"  
"We'll figure something out Aya-kun," Omi said softly. "Let's just see how Ken reacts tomorrow and go from there."

~TBC~

Note: Hank is a copy of a relative of mine who's a farmer *chuckles* Trust me cows smell *wrinkles nose* I should know I've worked with both cows and pigs *eak* Messy bussiness. Does Ran know how to ride? Now he does at least. *laffs* There is nothing more sexy than a good-looking bloke on a horse *drools* 

This chapter is a bit babblin and I'm sorry 'bout that but I needed to set up a background ne? And btw I have never been anywhere near Montana *pouts* So please forgive me if I'm making it sound completely wrong *sighs* I couldn't very well send them to Sweden now could I???/Atsureki


	8. Please Talk To Me

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : This is getting old. I own… um hm my last pack of cigarettes that's about it which of course means that Weiss belongs to someone who is not me. *sighs*

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), probably should be more warning but we'll leave it at this

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts. 

Chapter 8. Please Talk To Me

The sun had barely peeked up behind the trees when they left the ranch to get the horses. Aya was sombre and didn't exactly know what to do. He would have to talk to Ken but how? It was very likely that Ken would just refuse to say a word to him at all. Aya sighed as he allowed his horse to follow Dez'. Just as much as he was scared of seeing his former lover he was… exited.  
"Kate said she'd meet us with her girls," Hank said and glanced over his shoulder. " Kate's a sweetheart, you'll like her." _Not very likely,_ Aya muttered inside.  
"She'll tell you what to do once we get to the horses," Dez nodded and gave the redhead a strange look. "Is there something wrong?" Aya narrowed his eyes and shook his head.  
"Just a bit sore after yesterday," he muttered and turned his face into complete blandness.  
"Hm." It didn't take long before they saw a group of riders coming towards them. Hank rode up to a brown haired woman and smiled at her.  
"Morning Kate. Ready to bring them down?" Kate was in her late twenties, rather tall and still managed to look almost fragile.  
"Aren't I always ready Hank? We're just waiting for my son and Yuki. They had some problems with Star earlier," she smiled and nodded to the right. "Ah new boys?" Hank chuckled.  
"Yepp. Boys this is Kate. Kate this is Omi, Yoji and Ran," the cowboy said and pointed to them one by one.  
"Howdy," Kate greeted them and pushed her hat back slightly to get a better look at them.  
"Ma!" They all turned around to look at a boy, around 10 years old, who came running towards them.  
"Yeah Matt?"  
"Star's lame," the child pouted as he stopped beside his mother. "Yuki's taking care of her and said he'd catch up with you in a few minutes.  
"Sorry to hear that dear," Kate said and ruffled her son's hair. "But you know Yuki'll take good care of her."  
"I know but it still sucks that I can't come," Matt pouted.  
"I know, I know. Ah here's Yuki now." Aya stared as his former lover rode up to them. He looked healthy, tanned, strong and had his mask of smiles in place. For a brief moment their eyes meet and then Ken's face just shut down. Not a single emotion reflected in his face but his eyes looked hurt and had a touch of panic in them. "Are we ready to go then?" Kate asked and looked from Ken to Hank.  
"Yeah," the latter nodded while the brunette just grunted. Kate talked to her son for a few moments and then they headed off.

They rode in pairs and some mean side of fate paired Aya up with Ken. The brunette didn't say a word and didn't look at Aya. They went on like that for about 20 minutes before the redhead had had enough.  
"We need to talk," he said quietly in japanese and glanced at his former lover.  
"Is that so?" Ken sighed and refused to look at him. "I thought I said all there was to say in my letter?"  
"Maybe all you had to say Ken," Aya mumbled. "But that's not why we're here. Kritiker sent us." Brown eyes met his and for a moment shining with anxiety.  
"Why?"  
"Hattori. You're in danger again." Ken sighed deeply and chewed on his lip.  
"I'm not your concern anymore Aya, just go back to Tokyo and leave me alone." the brunette said slowly with pleading in his voice.  
"You'll always be my concern Ken," the redhead said so quietly he wasn't even sure Ken could hear him.  
"I'm not Ken. Wasn't that what you said?" the brunette asked flatly and glared at the other man, but there was something in that voice, something that sounded like despair.  
"You don't have to remind me of the things I've said to you Ken, I remember every single one of them and I'm sorry I said them."  
"You always were good with words that hurt." Aya winced at that and turned his head to really look at his former lover. There was something in those brown eyes that gave him the strangest feeling.  
"This isn't getting us anywhere," he sighed softly and tried to see what was underneath the facade in Ken's face.  
"There is no us. I suggest you pack your things and go back to Tokyo again. If you don't I'll be forced to make you, you remember what happened the last time we fought, don't you?." Aya stared. So Ken remembered more now?  
"Does the name Dean mean anything to you?" At that name the brunette shudder. "I'll take that as a yes. Manx thinks he's after all four of us and she can't find him back in Tokyo."  
"But she said that if I just…" Ken cut off what he was about to say and rubbed his face.  
"Hattori wants the information from that folder."  
"But they know I don't have it! Fukunishi almost beat me to death when he realized I didn't. I still don't understand how I managed to get away from him," Ken sighed deeply and closed his eyes.  
"You remember everything now, don't you?" Aya asked slowly and met his former lover's eyes.  
"I… I… no." That was a lie, the redhead could see it in those brown eyes. But why lie about it?  
"Ken, if you remember everything why didn't you come back to me, to us?" Aya asked and gave the brunette a long look. He didn't get an answer just a look that seemed to be filled with sadness and something more that he couldn't quite read. "We have to get you out of here."  
"No Ran. Take Omi and Yoji and go back to Japan and don't worry about me," Ken sighed and shook his head. "Dean isn't really after me." Aya frowned. What was that suppose to mean?  
"What? Ken please talk to me," he pleaded.  
"You don't understand!" the brunette yelled and the whole line of riders stopped to stare at them. "Just go away, please." Ken was almost in tears as he turned his horse around and vanished in a cloud of dust. Aya stared after him in shock. What was all that about?  
"Don't just sit there Fujimiya! Go after him!" With a sidelong glance at the lanky blonde Aya turned his horse and stormed after Ken.

Ken had turned off from the road and Aya had no idea where he was when he finally spotted the brunette's horse. He stopped and looked around. No sign of Ken but he couldn't have gone far. The redhead left his horse with Ken's and started looking. It didn't take long until he saw his former lover sitting beside a small brook.  
"Ken?" he asked and came closer.  
"Why can't you just go away?" Aya could hear that he was crying.  
"You know I can't do that and I don't want to," the taller man answered quietly and sat down beside him.  
"Why not? You don't even think I really am Ken," the brunette mumbled and refused to look at him.  
"I know that's how I made it sound but I was and I am scared… I had already lost you once and I was afraid I'd lose you again, and I did just because I was stupid."  
"That's not why I left, I told you why in that letter."  
"Ken, I don't think you were telling the truth in that letter. I know you have your memory back, I can see it in your eyes so why are you insisting on staying here? I thought…" Aya didn't know how to express himself he couldn't just blurt out that he thought Ken loved him and wanted to be with him.  
"You don't understand Ran, I can't go back again. It doesn't matter if I want to or not, I just can't," Ken answered sounding rather desperate.  
"Why not?" Finally the brunette looked up.  
"It's because of you. It was because of you I left, it's because of you I can't go back and it's because of you I have to get you to go back to Tokyo! Please Ran, just go back home. Don't stay here," Ken pleaded with so much hurt in his voice.  
"I can't do that at least not without you explaining why," Aya said softly.  
"If I explain will you leave me alone?" That question hurt so much but he needed to find out why.  
"Hai."  
"Okay, you have to go away because when Fukunishi brought me here I betrayed you and Weiss! Now will you leave me alone?" The brunette got up and walked away but Aya couldn't move. Ken had betrayed them? No, that couldn't be true. When he finally was able to stand up his former lover was nowhere to be seen. Aya shuddered. Something was seriously wrong with Ken and he couldn't grasp just what it was. His former lover was scared of something but what? Sighing deeply he went back to his horse and started walking back.

Aya didn't know exactly how to get back to the others and he didn't really care. His mind was completely focust on Ken. A very bad feeling had rooted itself in his mind and he knew that he had to talk to his former lover again. Somehow he had to make Ken tell him what was wrong. It took him about 10 minutes before he spotted the brunette again. He was slumped over in the saddle, hugging himself in the middle of the road. Without a word Aya walked up to him and pulled him down into his arms.  
"Ken," he whispered and hugged the trembling body close. "Please talk to me Ken." The brunette hid his face against his shirt and didn't answer. "Please," the redhead pleaded again.  
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Ken cried but hugged Aya desperatly.  
"I love you Ken I couldn't leave you alone even if I wanted to," the taller man murmured and stroke the brown hair slowly.  
"But if you stay here they'll… Ran…" Aya lifted up his former lover's face and looked him in the eyes.  
"Tell me what's going on Ken. I just want to help you." Shakingly the brunette pushed away from him.  
"I told Fukunishi you had the folder. He forced me to, I just couldn't keep quiet," Ken said with shame. "He broke my fingers one by one and I just couldn't keep quiet, it hurt too much."  
"Sch Ken, I don't blame you for that. Where's Fukunishi now?" The brunette looked up and twisted his hands.  
"I don't know, he left the cabin after I told him about the folder and I never saw him again. When he left I managed to get out of the ropes and I just ran away but it was so dark and I was in so much pain and I couldn't see where I was going. I fell and woke up at the hospital and couldn't remember anything." Carefully Aya came closer and reached out to the brunette. Ken hesitated for a moment but then he more or less threw himself at the redhead.  
"Calm down Ken," Aya mumbled and hugged him tightly. "We'll sort this out, I promise."  
"After I got back to the house, that day when we argued in the kitchen, Manx came to talk to me. I couldn't remember her at first but I sort of knew who she was. She told me that the yakuza still wanted that information and that they were going to use me to force you to give it up. I couldn't let that happen because I knew you would give it to them and then they'd kill you." Aya closed his eyes. So that was why Ken had left so suddenly.  
"You're right, I would have given them anything to keep you safe," the redhead agreed. Kritiker had been wrong when they concluded that Ken was the one who would be a danger due to their relationship.  
"That mission you talked about, you know the one that Kritiker had used to try to get me removed?" Aya nodded. "I told Manx what really happened there. That you threw yourself between me and a bullet just to save me. I was so scared you'd die that I didn't even think about the target anymore. Maybe they were right? I am a danger during missions because I love you. I'd do anything to keep you safe even if that means getting myself killed," Ken sobbed.  
"You're no more a danger than I am Ken," Aya said softly and caressed the brunette's cheek. "I'd do the same thing for you. I know our missions are important but… they're not half as important to me as you are. Without you I… I'm nothing." Ken met his eyes.  
"That's why I left you Ran. I didn't want you to have to make a choice between saving me and betraying Weiss and Kritiker. If I wasn't around Hattori wouldn't have had any leverage but then you showed up here and…"  
"I understand Ken. It's just that they followed you to the airport, they knew where you were going." The brunette shuddered. Aya was scared but he was with Ken, something he thought he'd never even get close to again. Now they just had to sort out the mess they were in…

~TBC~

Well it seems like Ran and Ken are getting somewhere ne? Please Atsureki let 'em stay together this time! Oh great I'm talking to myself now. *mutters* I'm going insane. Um I mean more insane *hehe* 

And again thanks and glomps to all you lovely ppl who reviewed this crap *coughs* I mean fic. You are my muse *nods seriously*/Atsureki


	9. Reclaiming Each Other

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : Argh I soooo hate doing this!! Weiss belongs to Takehito um eh K-something *looks real stupid*, sorry minna I'm having a blonde moment, and Project Weiss. I own diddly-dick! 

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, Lemon, angst (as usual), probably should be more warning but we'll leave it at this. 

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts.

Jin, fei, marsupial, lorien, Kamibukurosama, wildfire, Cookie, Kyri, Ponder, siberian, la blue kitty and all my other reviewers! This one is for you *winks* You ppl have made me spit out chapter after chapter faster than ever before! *huggles you all*

Oh and to siberian… I'm sorry but I'm too lazy (read too incompetent) to fix that. *sigh* Gomen.

And from this chapter on I will change POV from Ken to Ran every now and then.

Why am I babbling so much? Gomen nasai minna-san. Let's get on with the chapter shall we?

Chapter 9. Reclaiming Each Other

Ken's house was quiet even thought there were four men there. They looked at each other but no one seemed to know what to say. It was finally Omi who broke the silence.  
"What happened earlier today?" Aya and Ken had never returned to the group and finally Kate had sent Dez back to look for them. The cowboy had found them at the ranch but both men refused to say anything about what had happened.  
"That doesn't matter," Aya's deep voice said. The redhead was sitting next to Ken on the couch, they weren't touching but it was obvious that something had happened between them. "We should concentrate on sorting this mess out instead."  
"Okay, so what do we know about Fukunishi?" Yoji asked and glanced at their leader.  
"Nothing really. He left me at that cabin and never returned," Ken aswered quietly and took comfort from the redhead's closeness. He didn't want to answer their questions but he knew he would have to. What he really wanted was to curl up in Ran's arms and make sure the silent man forgave him for everything.  
"This isn't good," Omi muttered. "Didn't Hattori tell you that Fukunishi never returned to Japan?"  
"He did. But that doesn't mean anything really. Who knows whether or not he was lying to me?" The small blonde frowned but nodded.  
"Something must have happened to him," Aya said slowly. "Omi can you try to find some information on him? I have a feeling he is indeed dead but we need to make sure."  
"I'll try Aya-kun."  
"Next thing we need is to find out just where the hell Dean is. We can't afford having him show up."  
"Ran's right. Besides, Dean wants to use me to get to Ran," Ken mumbled and suddenly looked very ashamed. "When Fukunishi had me I told him that Ran was the one who had the information." A hand was placed over his. Carefully Ken looked up and met the redhead's amethyst eyes.  
"It's okay Ken."  
"You did what?" Ken winced.  
"Drop it Yoji. Fukunishi tortured him, you would have talked too," Ran said coldly and set his icey stare at the lanky blonde.  
"I'm sorry Kenken." The brunette waved the apology away and leaned against Ran.  
"But Aya didn't you say that you destroyed that folder?" Omi frowned.  
"I've been thinking about that. You know even if the folder is gone Hattori might have figured out that Ran is our leader and that he probably still has the information in his head," Ken sighed and grabbed the redhead's hand in a tight hold.  
"He's right about that. I have it all up here," Aya agreed and tapped himself on the forehead. "And if it comes to them using Ken to get it, I'll spill it all. I'm sorry, but I refuse to gamble with Ken's life." Omi and Yoji stared at him for a while.  
"We understand Aya-kun," the shorter blonde sighed.  
"We'll just have to make sure it doesn't come to that then," Yoji muttered. "I don't even want to know what Kritiker will do to you if they find this out."  
"I don't care Kudou! They can kill me if they want to!" the redhead snapped and glared at the lanky blonde.  
"You two calm down! This isn't helping us at all," Omi interrupted. "I'll get my laptop and see what I can find out about Fukunishi and Dean."  
"I'll go with you Omi," Yoji nodded and got up. The two blondes excused themselves and left.  
"I know you have questions for me Ran," Ken almost whispered when they were alone. The redhead got up and walked over to the window.  
"When did you memory come back?" he asked slowly.  
"Just before I left Tokyo I started having more and more flashbacks and then one morning I just woke up and it was all back. Some things are still a little fuzzy but I don't think there's anything I don't remember." Aya nodded and turned around to look at him.  
"What about Kate?" Ken bit his lip.  
"I met her at the hospital and when I was released she took care of me. For a long time she was all I had. I know she has feelings for me but… I could never return them," the brunette answered.  
"Why did you write that letter?" Another question Ken didn't really want to answer simply because he was ashamed.  
"Manx said that if I wasn't around anymore Hattori would probably not be able to get to you so I wrote that letter just to make sure you wouldn't come after me. I'm sorry Ran." The redhead came up to him and took his hand.  
"I understand Ken. If it hadn't been for that letter I would have come after you right away," he admitted and looked into those brown eyes he loved so much. Ken shivered. His body was screaming after what it had been denied for so long. He wanted to feel, touch and taste Ran again. But would the redhead let him?  
"Ran… I…" The taller man kneeled down infront of him and cupped his cheek.  
"My feelings for you haven't changed Ken," Ran said simply. "They never will. These three months have been hell for me and all I wanted was to run after you but I was so scared that you would push me away, that you wouldn't allow me to be close to you again."  
"I want to… feel you Ran," the brunette mumbled. Instead of saying anything more Ran leaned forward and connected their lips. The kiss was soft, lingering and Ken was where he should be again. This time he knew that Ran wouldn't have second thoughts, that he would be allowed to stay where he wanted to be, in the redhead's arms.

Their lips parted just enough so that they both could breath again. Soft fingers ran through crimson hair, over pale cheeks and brushed across soft lips. Ken drowned in the touch of his lover's face. He had missed it so much and he wanted to touch, taste every part of that body. Slowly he caressed Ran's jawline with his lips, trailed his way to an ear. He whispered words he had wanted to say so many times when he had been alone. His hands rose again and played over the redhead's neck, throat, caressed as much skin as he could reach but it wasn't enough. Ran seemed to sense his need and began to unbotton his own shirt. Ken's eyes narrowed slightly when it parted and showed a chest that was so much more skinny than it used to. His fingers ran across it almost afraid that it would disappear just as it always had in his dreams. But Ran was really there and he wasn't going anywhere. Ken lowered his face and kissed his lover's neck, tasted skin and then moved on so that he could lap across Ran's collar-bone. A soft gasp was heard as his tongue played. The brunette looked up and watched the kneeling man's half-lidded eyes.  
"Ken," Ran murmured and caused the other man to shiver. That deep smooth slightly hushed voice was enough to make him tingle all over. Smiling the brunette moved his face closer and covered Ran's lips with his. The kiss held feelings Ken knew that it had lacked when they had kissed at The Insatiable. He hadn't had all his memories and therefor not the complete devotion and love for Ran, but he had it now, he remembered everything now. The brunette let out a soft moan when teasing fingers found their way under his t-shirt and brushed over his ribs. In a matter of seconds the redhead had removed it and gently placed his lips agains the tanned skin.

Ken smelled of sun-warmed skin, grass and that special scent that was Ken. Ran's senses spun with joy and recognition. This was his just as everything about him was Ken's. Slowly he made his way back and forth across the brunette's chest, kissing and nipping at the warm flesh. He just couldn't get enough, didn't want to stop, ever. The skin he tasted was sweet but masculine. His tongue brushed over a nipple and drew a throathy moan from the brunette. Ken was shivering and the redhead knew that he was too. Ran's hand fell from the chest they had been exploring and were gently placed on strong thighs. Slowly he stood up and pulled the brunette with him. Skin pressed against skin as lips connected again and tongues met. When the kiss broke Ran looked into Ken's brown eyes and smiled softly. This was so right and he had missed it all so much. The brunette took his hand and lead him towards the stairs. Willingly the slightly taller man followed him fully aware of where they were headed and what Ken wanted from him. It only took a few moments before he was lead into a bedroom that smelled just like the brunette's skin. Without a word they sank down on the bed and went back to reclaiming each other's bodies.

Ken's fingers danced over pale skin in an almost desperate attempt to touch everywhere at once. Ran's remaining clothes were in his way so he began working on removing them. With a little help from the redhead he managed to completely strip his lover. Chocolate eyes feasted upon what was theirs and theirs alone. Slowly Ken removed one of the two necklaces around Ran's neck and placed it around his own. The redhead smiled at him and caressed his cheek before pulling him down for another kiss. Slender fingers roamed over tanned skin and finally worked open the button in Ken's jeans. Swiftly the hinder was removed and their naked bodies pressed together. A new dance started where sunkissed limbs intwined with milky white. Ran's hand found its way to a slender hip and gently caressed it, asking for access to more private parts. With a sigh of longing the brunette sank down on his back. The redhead softly painted invisible patterns on Ken's inner thighs with his fingers. It was sweet torture but Ran wasn't cruel. His hand moved further up and fluttered across his lover's erection, pulling soft moans from his lips. The brunette's hips bucked up slightly when the touch got more intense but he craved something else, something more. Ran understood the unspoken request and backed away from him. On shaky knees Ken made it to the other side of the bed and searched through the bedside table. The jar he found was actually filled with a ointment for lips but that didn't matter. He made his way back to his lover and placed in his pale hands. Ran ignored it for a moment and occupied himself with breathtaking kisses. Ken almost purred at the feeling of the redhead's weight upon him then he felt gentle fingers brush between his legs. Willingly he spread them to give his lover more room. Carefully Ran caressed him between his buttocks before gently applying enough pressure to allow one slender digit to slide inside. Ken let out a sufficated moan and pressed against the sensation. Ran stilled him and slowly began to move his hand. When he inserted a second finger the brunette almost went into a tailspin. None of his dreams could compare to the feelings Ran was causing him. Gently and slowly the redhead stretched him, carefully making sure his lover would be ready for him. Ken gasped for air and pleaded for more. Amethyst eyes met brown asking for permission.  
"Please Ran," the brunette breathed. Satisfied with the answer to his silent question the red haired assassin removed his hand and kneeled between muscular thighs. He leaned forward and softly nibbled on his lover's kiss-swollen lips. It had always amazed Ken how gentle and caring Ran was even when his own urges were high and demanding. He smiled into the kiss and ran his hands up and down the redhead's sides. Moments later he felt the tip of Ran's erection softly pressing against his entrance. Moaning out another plea Ken shifted to urge his lover on. The latter complied and carefully started to ease himself inside the brunette's willing body. There was pain but it was bearable and Ken knew there would be pleasure soon. With a soft moan Ran was finally completely buried inside of him. The redhead stopped all movements to allow his lover to adjust. Ken let out a low rumble from the back of his throat making it clear that he wasn't happy with the lack of movement but Ran stayed still. Warm and caring hands started to caress his body instead, almost causing his sensitive skin to burst into flames.  
"Ran," Ken finally begged. At that the redhead finally started moving slowly. Almost in slow motion he pulled out slightly and then carefully pushed back inside. Their moans mixed and lips sought lips. Slowly the pace picked up and the gentle sliding became thrusts. Ran shifted slightly and his next thrust hit a spot inside Ken that almost sent him sky-high. "Please," the brunette gasped. He needed more. Again Ran complied and the thrusts picked up pace. The redhead's moans had become slightly hoarse and his breathing strained. A warm hand caressed Ken's stomach and traveled lower until it was wrapped around the brunette's erection. In time with his thrusts Ran stroked his lover. The rhythm was turned up even more and both men knew that neither one of them would last much longer. One well-aimed thrust drove Ken over the edge with a low scream that spelled Ran's name. His body clamped down on the length it harboured and pulled the redhead into climax. Ran's deep smooth voice let out an answering scream that called the brunette's name before his weight almost collapsed ontop the slightly shorter man. For a moment neither one of them moved. Hoarse breaths were the only sounds that filled the dusky room. Gently Ran lifted himself up from his lover and settled down beside him. Ken gasped slightly as the redhead pulled out of him, but it was a gasp of loss not one of pain. Arms pulled him close and held him tight in an embrace that the brunette had dreamt of so many times.  
"Ken," Ran sighed with love and buried his face against his lover's neck. The brunette wrapped his arms around Ran's warm body and murmured softly. He was back where he belonged, he was finally home again.

~TBC~

Oh dear God that sucked so badly *breaks down in a pile of sobbing blonde* Seriously this is about as graphic as a lemon will get for me. I wanted it to be beautiful and sensual but I don't know how that came out. *sighs* Please do tell me what you thought about it.

And Jin… This was the chapter I talked about in my review to you *hehe* Is the deal on? *glomps you* Ja/Atsureki


	10. Outcast

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I'm gonna get rid off Takehito's wife, marry him myself, divorce him and then, at least half of Weiss will be mine! Hm or maybe I'll just forget about Weiss and stay with Takehito *ponders* His voice is so sexy!!! *mutters* HEY! I can dream can't I?

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), probably should be more warning but we'll leave it at this. 

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts.

Thanks for the lovely comments on the Lemon thingy *glomps all the wonderfull ppl* You might even get another one since I might not suck as much at them as I thought I did? *nods* We'll see….

Chapter 10. Outcast

Ran slowly opened his eyes and drew in the familier smell of his lover. Ken's back was pressed against his chest and brown hair supplied him with a soft pillow. The redhead smiled and wrapped his arms tighter around the warm body he was resting against. He was happy, content and didn't feel like moving any time soon. After they had made love the previous day they had spent a long time just cuddling before finally getting up for a shower and to grab something to eat. It had been so nice to be able to act like the couple they were without having to worry about who saw them. Ran nuzzled his lover's neck and heard the slight shift in Ken's breathing that informed him that they were both awake. Tanned fingers intwined with his and the mop of brown hair moved as Ken turned around and smiled softly. Ran almost drowned in those deep pools of warm brown eyes. Waking up with Ken in his arms was something nothing would ever be able to compare to. The redhead returned the smile and pulled his lover closer.  
"Yuki?" Brown eyes narrowed slightly while amethyst looked confused. "Yuki? Are you home?"  
"Kate," Ken mumbled and sighed. Ran caressed his cheek and smiled again.  
"Just go down and talk to her. She's probably worried about yesterday." The brunette nodded slowly.  
"Will you be here when I get back?" he asked almost sounding frightened. Ran kissed him softly.  
"I'll be right here Ken, I'm not going anywhere." The brunette got up and pulled on a pair of pants before he left the room. Ran flipped over to his stomach and buried his face in Ken's pillow hugging it tightly.

The brunette slowly went downstairs where he found Kate standing just inside the front door. She had a look of concern in her green eyes.  
"Morning Kate," Ken said quietly.  
"Morning." He headed for the kitchen and heard that she followed him.  
"Coffee?" Kate shook her head and sat down. "Did you get the horses down?"  
"Huh? Oh yes of course. Yuki what happened yesterday? Why did you get so angry with um, hm, that redhead?" The brunette turned on the coffee-maker and turned around to face her.  
"When I came back from Tokyo I told you that I still didn't remember anything about my past," Ken started slowly, searching for words to explain. "I lied to you Kate, I even lied to myself. I found out things about me that just were too scary and that I couldn't handle." Not the complete truth but then he couldn't very well tell her that he was an assassin.  
"Is that why you came back so suddenly?" she asked softly.  
"I met Yoji, Omi and Ran in Tokyo and they knew me. They filled in some of the blanks and I managed to fill in some myself."  
"You were acting so strange when you came back. You used to be so open but after you came back you just closed yourself up," Kate sighed. "You'd smile but it never reached your eyes. Why Yuki?"  
"My name isn't Yuki, it's Ken," the brunette said quietly. "There's something I have to tell you Kate." She titled her head slightly.  
"You know you can tell me anything Yu… Ken. You know how I feel about you." Ken closed his eyes for a moment. He would have to come clean about Ran but he didn't want to hurt her.  
"Kate, that redhead, Ran, is my lover." She stared at him with disbelief in her eyes.  
"But I thought…"  
"I dreamt of him almost every night, dreamt of someone I loved that I called koi, lover. I couldn't see his face but I had a… hunch that it was a man. When I saw him in Tokyo I couldn't really remember him but inside I knew that we belonged together." Kate shook her head and stood up.  
"You're telling me that all along you knew that I had nothing you wanted and still you lead me on?!" she snapped at him. Ken sighed deeply. That wasn't completely true but then it wasn't completely wrong either.  
"Kate I do care about you and about Matt. You two were all I had for so long and both of you accepted me the way I was. Believe me I never meant to hurt you," the brunette answered softly.  
"You're disgusting! All those times you played with Matt… What did you do to him?" Ken sighed again and shook his head. He had guessed that she would be upset but to be accused of doing things to Matt he had not expected.  
"If you feel that I disgust you that's fine Kate but don't equal being gay with being a pedophile. One has nothing to do with the other," Ken said with hurt.  
"And we let you be alone with all those kids… Oh dear God! How many of them did you molest!?" She wasn't listening to him anymore. "I'm gonna send the cops after you, you filthy pervert!" Kate yelled at him and Ken was lost for words.  
"Be quiet!" a hard deep voice interrupted. Kate swirled around and winced at the ice cold glare she received from amethyst eyes.

Ran frowned at the voices he heard from the kitchen. He got up from the bed and pulled on some clothes before he headed downstairs.  
"You're disgusting! All those times you played with Matt…" The redhead raised an eyebrow. What did that have to do with anything?  
"If you feel that I disgust you that's fine Kate but don't equal being gay with being a pedophile. One has nothing to do with the other," he heard his lover say, his voice filled with hurt. Who was this ignorant woman? _Narrow-minded ignorant idiot,_ Ran muttered in his head. It was people like Kate that made his and Ken's life together difficult, people who couldn't find it within themselves to accept that love has no boundaries.  
"And we let you be alone with all those kids… Oh dear God! How many of them did you molest!? I'm gonna send the cops after you, you filthy pervert!" Trembling with anger Ran stalked into the kitchen.  
"Be quiet!" he snapped and set his hard eyes on the woman. "How can you even think that Ken would ever hurt a child?" That question made Kate stiffen.  
"But he's, he's a… a…" she studdered. Ran glanced at his lover and shuddered at the pain in his eyes.  
"He's a warm and kind human being," the redhead said firmly and walked over to Ken.  
"Of course you'd defend him you're just like him! A sick perverted homo!"  
"Try to understand Kate… This has nothing to do with genders and it most certainly has nothing to do with being a pedophile! I don't love Ken because he's a man, I love him because he's Ken and I'm willing to bet that that's why you fell in love with him too. You're being very unfair and narrow-minded and I don't really think that's who you are Kate. If you were Ken wouldn't care so much about you," Ran finished off and felt how his lover leaned against him. He protectivly placed his arm around Ken's shoulders and pulled him closer. Kate stared at them and twisted her hands. It was obvioius she didn't know what to think anymore.  
"I… I," she mumbled before she turned around and left. Ran sighed and moved infront of Ken.  
"I'm sorry Ken," he mumbled and met the sad brown eyes. His lover just shook his head with sadness and hid his face against Ran's shirt. The redhead wrapped his arms around Ken and held him tight. He couldn't stand to see the brunette hurt like that especially not when it was caused by someone just being stupid.

It took Ran a long time to calm Ken down after Kate had left them. Inside the redhead fumed. How could anyone accuse Ken of something so horrible? He could understand that Kate was upset but to think that the brunette would force himself on a child? Ran shook his head sadly and looked at the man in his arms. It pained him so much to see hurt in those brown eyes.  
"Aya?" The redhead looked up at the quiet sound of his name. Omi and Yoji were standing in the doorway looking rather strange. Ran glanced down at his lover again, then back up putting a finger over his mouth showing that they shouldn't disturb Ken.  
"We need to talk," Yoji mouthed to him. Ran shook his head. This was not the time. "When?" the blonde mouthed and looked at Ken. The redhead raised his hand and showed his team-mates his index-finger indicating that they should come back in one hour. Omi nodded and frowned slightly.  
"Is Kenken okay?" the petit blonde asked without a sound. Ran shook his head again at that. Omi tilted his head slightly and gestured to Yoji that they should leave. The lanky blonde nodded to his friend and they left Ran and Ken alone.  
"Thank you." The redhead ran his hand through Ken's hair.  
"I thought you were asleep," he said softly.  
"I was. What did Omi and Yoji want?" the brunette asked and sat up.  
"I think they've found some information but it can wait. I want to make sure you're okay first," Ran answered and met his lover's eyes.  
"I just don't understand… How could she even think that I would do something like that?" The redhead sighed and rested his forehead against the Ken's.  
"I don't know Ken, I don't know… She might just have been shocked and angry," he suggested quietly.  
"Ran?" The redhead tilted his head slightly.  
"Yes."  
"Why did you push me away when I returned to Tokyo?" Ran frowned a little. He knew that Ken was asking him that just to pull away from what Kate had said earlier but it wasn't something he wanted to talk about.  
"I was scared," Ran admitted quietly. "When you suddenly showed up again I didn't know how to handle it and then you couldn't remember, I was afraid that you'd never remember us. That night before you left again it felt so good to have you back in my arms but… the next morning I felt so guilt. It felt like I was betraying the real you by seeking comfort in the person you had become." Ken seemed to think about that for a moment.  
"I remembered that I loved you but I couldn't grasp why or how much.Yuki was so empty, so lost and he…" Ken's voice trailed off. "I think Yuki wanted you just so that he could feel something."  
"No, Yuki wanted me because deep down inside he was you," the redhead smiled softly.

Ken's brown eyes observed Omi as the blonde looked through his papers. It was almost dark outside and it had taken the small blonde and Yoji all day to get back to his house.  
"What took you two so long?" Ran asked from his place next to the brunette.  
"We had to pack our things and leave the ranch," Yoji muttered and lit a cigarette. "Seems like rumours travels fast here."  
"What do you mean?" Ken asked and frowned.  
"Someone told Hank about the two of you and we're no longer welcome at his ranch," the lanky blonde snorted and shook his head. Ken sighed. 24 hours ago those people had seen him as a friend and now he was just a sick perverted homo to them. Ran glanced at him and took his hand. It felt good to know that the redhead was so close and that he didn't care if Omi and Yoji were there.  
"So, did you find anything?" Ran asked slowly and looked at the smaller blonde.  
"You're not going to like this Aya," Omi muttered. "This is a real mess and I'm not sure how we're suppose to clean it up."  
"Just start from the beginning."  
"Okay. I tracked down Fukunishi. He was in a car-accident and ended up at the hospital in Great Falls where he died three weeks later. This is good news but unfortunately he had contact with one person before he past away. It seems like Dean and Fukunishi were going behind Hattori's back," Omi said and looked up from his papers. "Dean was the one who claimed Fukunishi's body from the morgue."  
"How does this prove that they were going behind Hattori's back?" Ran asked.  
"Dean wasn't a member of the yakuza back then. He joined Hattori a little more than 7 months ago. Fukunishi lived in USA for several years and from what I found out he did a lot of nasty things together with Dean. Dean's past is a mess from the moment he became a Marine until the day when FBI got rid of him. That man is seriously twisted. Unfortunately for us he still has tons of connections over here and if he decides to start pulling strings we'll be…"  
"Swimming upstream in shit-creek," Yoji filled in and stubbed out his cigarette. "Omi did some serious hacking last night and it turns out that Hattori's days as Oyabun are counted. His people are having second thoughts about him and the clan yakuza is eager to get rid of him too. Being a freelance yakuza they of course have problems with the clan but this is a bit more serious. Hattori has a lot more money than he should and that makes him a whole lot more trouble than he should be," the lanky blonde muttered.  
"Yoji's right. I don't think Fukunishi ever intended to give the information to Hattori at all."  
"But Hattori knew that I said that Ran had the folder," Ken objected.  
"Yes but the real question is… When did he find that out? If Dean is trying some sort of scam here who knows what he's been telling Hattori? He could very well have pretended to have found that out just recently," Omi sighed. "Aya was there any information in that folder concerning Hattori?" Ran frowned for a moment.  
"Yes there was. Hattori was and still is one of Kritikers main targets but he is extremly difficult to take out. He's well informed and have great protection. If Fukunishi had had the information in that folder he would, however, have been able to destroy him. We would probably have failed trying but Fukunishi was Hattori's closest man and knew his hiding-places."  
"What else did you find out about Dean?" Ken mumbled and closed his eyes. He hated this.  
"He's not in Japan anymore." Brown and amethyst eyes stared at Omi.  
"What?!" Ran asked harshly.  
"I contacted Manx yesterday. Dean left Japan four days ago, he's here." _This just keeps getting better and better,_ Ken growled inside and leaned against Ran.  
"What exactly does here mean?" the redhead wondered and shifted slightly to let his lover get more comfortable.  
"From what I've learnt he's in Helena. Or at least he was in Helena two days ago," Omi frowned. "Oh I almost forgot. Dean owns a cabin in the mountains. My bet is that that's where Fukunishi took Ken."  
"Does Dean have any connections in Japan?" The short blonde looked at Ran and nodded.  
"He was stationed there for two years, before Fukunishi moved to USA. Fukunishi was born and lived in the same town that Dean was stationed at."  
"The plot thickens," Yoji mumbled. "I think it's safe to assume that they met there." Ran nodded and chewed on his lip.  
"We know that Ken was taken to the hospital in Great Falls but what do we know about the location where he was found?"  
"I made a mistake there. I thought he was found pretty close to Hank's ranch but he wasn't. Dean's cabin isn't exactly close to here which is probably why he didn't manage to find Ken."  
"And since nobody there knew who I was Dean had no way of knowing where I was?" Ken suggested and sighed deeply.  
"That's my bet," Omi nodded. "What bothers me is how fast Dean rose in ranks with Hattori. Why was he so trusted?"  
"Good question," Ran muttered. "If they went behind Hattori's back it's not so strange that no one came after me straight away. But Dean can't have done all this on his own, he has to have others with him." The room became quiet.  
"What if Dean is getting help from the clan yakuza? That would explain why he gets around so much," Omi said slowly and broke the silence. Ken shuddered.  
"Either way we can't stay here," Ran frowned and rose from the couch. "This is a small town where everybody knows everybody and obviously we're no longer welcome. I suggest we pack our things and head for Great Falls where we'd at least be anonymous."  
"I agree," Ken sighed. "Give me a few minutes to pack."  
"Ken-kun do you have a car?" Omi asked and tilted his head. The brunette raised an eyebrow.  
"Of course. I have a truck parked behind the house, it's old and rusty but it'll get us to Great Falls."

~TBC~

Okay you might think Kate's being very weird here but unfortunately there are ppl who think that just because a man prefers other men they're automaticly pedophiles. *sighs* Kate was never supposed to accept that Yuki/Ken loved Ran but that part of her outburst was brought on by me running into a stupid bitch *parten my language* I simply cannot stand ppl who are so narrow-minded and ignorant! *fumes* She attacked a very dear friend of mine who happens to be gay. He also happens to be the sweetest guy alive and oh yes she made hints that he went for small kids. *sees red* I'm not sure this world has room for ppl like her! Oh well sorry for babbling about this but some ppl need to seriously grow a brain or I'm gonna end up doing time for assult and kicking ass!/Atsureki


	11. Second Encounter

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : They are not mine! I'm not saying another word about it! *crosses arms*

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), short sucky chapter, probably should be more warning but we'll leave it at this. 

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts.

Chapter 11. Second Encounter

None of the four men in the truck said a word. Ran moved his eyes from the road to Ken and didn't like what he saw. The brunette's eyes were sad and hurt, his face locked in an unhappy expression. Before they had left Ken's house the brunette had gone to talk to Kate again. Ran didn't know what had been said but it was obvious it wasn't anything good. The truck rolled into Great Falls after having spent the intire night on the road. Ken stopped at the first hotel he saw and they all sighed with relief as they got out from the truck.  
"My ass is killing me," Yoji complained bitterly as he stretched his lanky body, popping a few joints.  
"Let's get some rooms," Ken sighed and lead the way inside. Ran frowned deeply and followed his lover. That damn woman was so lucky they weren't in the same town anymore! The brunette talked to the man at the desk for a while before he came back looking very tired. "You two are going to have to share a room," he said quietly and handed Omi a key. The small blonde took it and shrugged.  
"As long as I get a bed I don't care." Yoji and Omi headed for the elevator while Ran and Ken took the stairs. Their rooms weren't on the same floor but the brunette had given the bigger one to the blondes since the probably wouldn't want to share a bed. In silence they walked down a long corridore and Ken let them into their room.  
"Ken, what's wrong?" Ran asked softly and watched his lover more or less throw himself on the bed. Brown eyes looked at him shining with tears that threatened to spill over.  
"I rather not talk about it," Ken answered slowly. The redhead sat down beside him and looked at him. Ken placed his head in Ran's lap and sighed deeply. "Are we gonna make it through this alive?" Ran frowned at the question and stroke away a tear that managed to escape Ken's eye.  
"What kind of question is that?" The brunette avoided making eye contact and buried his face against Ran's stomach.  
"She wouldn't even let me say good bye to Matt." Ran gritted his teeth. That stupid idiotic woman! "She said that people like me don't deserve to live, that I would end up in hell," Ken said with a hint of a dry sarcastic laughter in his voice. "Like I didn't already know that?"  
"Stop it Ken!" Ran spat out and pulled his lover up to face him. "So Kate turned out to be a narrow-minded bitch! Why do you even listen to her? You know she's wrong." The brunette cowered from the hard tone in Ran's voice. "Ken, we both know that you're no more a child-molester than I am and we both know that there's nothing wrong with our love. Or are you having doubts about us?" At that Ken's head snapped up. Ran smiled inside. If there was one thing the brunette couldn't stand hearing it was that he had doubts about their love.  
"Of course I…" Ken interrupted what he was about to say when he saw the soft smile in the redhead's eyes. Ran shook his head and pulled his lover's face close to his.  
"Sometimes you can be such a baka, koi," he murmured with affection. The brunette smiled a little at that and leaned in for a kiss.  
"Ran no baka," Ken breathed into his lover's mouth. Ran deepened the kiss and smiled. Yes, Ken was his idiot and he wouldn't want him any other way. The kiss broke and amethyst eyes looked into chocolate. "Ran make love to me." The soft request had a shred of desperat need in it. Slender fingers brushed over tanned skin and swiftly removed the brunette's sweater. Ran knew that Ken wanted a destraction and that might have offended others but he'd never deny his lover anything, especially not if the brunette needed it to feel better. Slowly and gently he made love to the brunette until he fell asleep and then Ran spent most of the morning watching his lover sleep unaware that he was being watched as well.

Ken forced his eyes open and held Ran closer. The hotel room was chilly even though it was summer. He pulled the quilt tighter around them and rubbed his nose against the redhead's hair. It always made him smile when Ran slept on his chest because it was rather unusual. Normally it was Ken who curled up against the redhead and used him as a pillow but sometimes, just sometimes, Ran needed to be held too. Not that the brunette complained though, not at all. The room was dusky which meant that they had slept through the entire day but Ken didn't care. After Ran had made love to him he had more or less past out. Ran shifted slightly in his sleep and entangled their legs. The redhead was possessive in bed which Ken found so adorable and it felt safe. With a yawn he decided to go back to sleep again, there was no reason for him to force himself to stay awake. Besides, the brunette was comfortable and Ran didn't show any signs of waking up any time soon.

It was almost in the middle of the night when the four men headed back to the hotel. Omi and Yoji were walking a few paces ahead of the Ran and Ken. When they suddenly stopped the redhead almost walked straight into Omi's back.  
"Dean," the small blonde hissed. They all froze and stared at the tall green eyed man who was standing a few meters away from them with a smile on his lips.  
"Hello there," Dean smirked in english and came closer, a gun aimed at them."You're turning into quite a problem." Ran frowned.  
"What do you want?" he asked harshly and put himself between Dean and what he was after, the brunette.  
"Yes, what do I want indeed," Dean laughed and tilted his head. "First I want him to come over here," he stated and pointed the gun at Ken.  
"Why? He doesn't have the information you want." Dean laughed again and seemed to find it all very amusing.  
"Information? Who said I wanted information?" Ran froze and felt Ken's hand on his arm.  
"Ran?" The redhead's thoughts raced.  
"I thought…" Dean interrupted him by raising his hand.  
"Hattori wants the information but who cares about him? At first I wanted it to squeeze Hattori out of his position as Oyabun but then I got a better offer," the green eyed man smiled. "This, however, has nothing to do with Hattori, the yakuza or Weiss, this is personal."  
"Personal?" Omi asked and widened his blue eyes.  
"Your friend over there messed up some very, very good plans!" Dean growled. "Not to meantion the fact that he's responsible for Hitoshi's death."  
"But I didn't kill him!" Ken objected and took a step forward.  
"That's a matter of opinion."  
"You're insane!"  
"So I've been told," Dean grinned. "Now hand over the brunette or this is gonna get ugly!"  
"You're rather cocky aren't you?" Yoji asked with an eyebrow raised. "There's four of us and only one of you. Even with that gun you won't be able to take out all of us." At that Dean's grin widened.  
"Who said I was alone? Boys!" Six more men stepped out from the shadows. "So, Blondie still want to fight?" Ran could see Yoji jaws clench together.  
"Kudou calm down!" the redhead hissed under his breath and mentally tried to force Yoji to step back.  
"Listen up!" Dean said loudly and scratched his head with the barrel of the gun. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either Ken comes over here and the rest of you are free to go or I kill Red, Blondie and Shorty and Ken comes with me anyways… What's it gonna be?" Ran clenched his hands into fists and cursed. It was a no win situation. Dean and his men were armed and Wiess was not, unless…  
"Yoji." The lanky blonde turned around and gave Ran a questioning look. With a tap on his own watch the redhead asked him if he was armed.  
"But of course," Yoji smirked. That was good but was it enough? Yoji couldn't take out seven men on his own, especially not when they were armed.  
"Ran," Ken said softly. "It's no use. Let them take me before anyone gets hurt. After they're gone you can get your weapons and come after me." The redhead winced at the calm tone in his lover's voice.  
"No!" he objected. "I'm not just gonna…"  
"Yes you are. It'll be okay Ran." Ken's hand took a hold of the long black coat the redhead was wearing. "There's no point in all of us dying."  
"But Ken-kun," Omi objected quietly and gave his friend a worried look.  
"We're not just going to allow them to take you!" Yoji agreed and frowned. "We've already lost you once dammit!" Ran met his lover's brown eyes and swallowed. Ken was right, it was killing him to admitt to it, but Ken was right. His own life the redhead could gamble with but not Omi and Yoji's.  
"We'll come after you koi," Ran sighed. The brunette pulled his face down and kissed him softly.  
"I know you will…" With those words Ken walked over to Dean and lowered his head to show that he wasn't going to fight.  
"Clever choice Ken," Dean chuckled. "Let's go." The six men around them backed up and the green eyed man pushed Ken infront of him. "Oh one more thing before I go. Ken took someone rather important from me so I think it's fair that I return the favour." Two shots cut through the quiet night just before a loud heartbreaking scream echoed between the houses.

~TBC~

Oh major cliffhanger *gasps* I'm so evil! Who did Dean shoot?!? I wanna know *yells* Oh dear! Now, I want 10 new reviews or I'm not telling *crosses arms and glares* Just kidding minna!! *hehe* Even if you take reviews from me I'll still pester you with another chapter *evil laff* Ja/Atsureki


	12. Dealing With Pain

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I own a cat named Zelgadis, a dog named Tyson (plus four other cats and another dog) but Weiss I don't own and never will either… Sad isn't it?

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), torture and stuff, probably should be more warnings but we'll leave it at this. 

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts.  
Zakennayo = Fuck you  
Ksama = Bastard

Chapter 12. Dealing With Pain

Ken felt numb as Dean pushed him into a car and barked out orders to his men. Ran had been shot at least once, maybe twice. Was the redhead still alive? Ken hugged himself and fought to keep tears from running down his cheeks. Dean was gonna pay for that! He had no idea of how or when but that man was going to pay!  
"So Ken, payback's a bitch, isn't it?" the green eyed man drawled in english and smiled. "The organisation is pretty impressed with Weiss actually," he said in japanese after a moment's silence. "But they're very disappointed that you didn't take out Hattori." What organisation was Dean talking about? The clan yakuza?  
"Zakennayo!" the brunette spat out and glared at the green eyed man with hate.  
"Such bad language from such a pretty boy," Dean smiled and gave the driver an order. "Hitoshi said you were handsome but I didn't expect an athlete." What the hell was that suppose to mean?  
"What's gonna happen to me?" Green eyes met brown and narrowed slightly.  
"I'm going to finish what Hitoshi started… But unlike him I'm going to take my sweet time." Ken swallowed and closed his eyes. Fukunishi's torture had in no way been forgotten and if Dean wanted it worse then that, Ken was in some serious shit.

Two shots were aimed at him and Ran instinctivly threw himself to the side. He sucked in a deep breath between clenched teeth and pulled his coat around him.  
"Are you okay?" Omi shouted and hurried up to him. The redhead nodded.  
"I'm fine, Omi."  
"I think we're in shit-creek now Ran," Yoji growled and lit a smoke. "How are we gonna get Ken back?"  
"Let's go back to the hotel and gear up," Ran mumbled. "We need some sort of plan for this." The two blondes nodded and started walking. Ran followed them slowly. They had to save Ken but the question was how? The brunette could be anywhere and he was the only one who knew Great Falls.  
"Why didn't Dean just kill him right away?" Yoji asked and glanced over his shoulder.  
"Dean wants revenge, I don't think just killing Ken would give him enough satisfaction" Ran answered quietly. "He might decide to… torture him."  
"Fuck!"  
"Those men Dean had with him were japanese," Omi frowned. "I think it's safe to assume that he is in bed, so to speak, with the clan yakuza."  
"I agree," the redhead sighed. They continued walking in silence towards the hotel. The light from the moon reflected itself in the trail of blood that one of the three assassins left behind him.

Ran unlocked the door and entered his room. Carefully he removed his coat and winced at the sight of his blood-soaked shirt. The bullet had gone right through him and it didn't look like it was fatal but it was bleeding a lot. If he hadn't moved, it would have hit him straight in the stomach and most likely killed him. He went into the bathroom and started cleaning the wound with a wet towel. It might not kill him but it sure hurt like hell. Hissing in pain he examined the tattered edges of the wound. He would need stiches that much was obvious but he didn't want to alarm Yoji and Omi. The wound wasn't what he was concerned about though, all his thoughts were with Ken and the fact that the time they had to save him could be very limited. Swallowing back the lump in his throat the redhead walked back to the bedroom and pulled out one of the suitcases. It took him a while before the found the little bag where he kept needles, surgical thread, painkillers and bandages. Stiching up himself he was rather used to by now but that didn't mean it was painless. With trained fingers he cleaned up the edges and carefully sutured the wound together. The pain made him nauseus but he pushed it away with a low growl. When he was done he tried rasing his arms and stretch. A deep grunt of pain escaped him. _Damn!_ Ran sighed inside. _I'm not going to be able to work my katana like this._ Taking painkillers to dull it was out of the question since that would slow down his movements and take the edge of his vigilance. He would just have to deal with the pain.

Ken was scared. Not so much for his own life but for Ran's. Dean had made it absolutely clear that if the brunette managed to stay alive he would most likely never be recognized as Hidaka Ken again. Now being dead was one thing but the thought of leaving Ran behind was another. Or, what might be even worse, survive only to live the rest of his life without being able to look himself in a mirror again. From what Omi had found out about Dean he was twisted enough to do something like that. The brunette swallowed down the lump in his throat and hugged himself. Was Ran still alive? He had to be, Ken wouldn't be able to pull through if he wasn't.  
"Ran," he choked out and rested his forehead against his knees. They had just gotten their lives sorted out and then Dean came along and crushed it all. The brunette growled. Dean was going to regret the day he'd set his eyes on Weiss!  
"Well hello again pretty boy," a familier voice drawled in english and green eyes looked at him with amusement. Ken glared at Dean and scowled.  
"What do you want?" A soft laughter came from the green eyed man.  
"I want to play. I'm sure you're fun to play with," was the answer he got.  
"Over my dead body!" Ken spat out with hate.  
"Hm tempting but I like my toys alive and kicking. Now since I got rid of your redhead I think you need someone new to play with you," Dean almost purred. The brunette shot up from the cold floor. He did not like the sound of that!  
"Stay the fuck away from me!" Dean's eyes sparkled with twisted delight.  
"Funny you should use that word pretty boy. Was that an invitation?" Ken took several steps back. Torture he could handle but rape? His whole body convulsed from disgust.  
"If you touch me I'll kill you," he growled and crouched down, ready to carry out his promise.  
"Oh please! I've killed more people than you can imagine Ken. What makes you think I can't take out a little hired assassin like you? I'm a Marine and you're a nobody," Dean said softly and came closer. Like Ken needed to hear that? He already knew that Dean could take him down with ease.  
"Stay back!" the brunette warned and raised his hands. If Dean wanted him he would fight with all he had.  
"You're even cuter when you're angry," the green eyed man chuckled but stopped moving. "Unfortunately I don't have the time, nor the patience, for games like this. You're ass is safe, for the time being at least." Ken sighed in relief. "But you are going to pay!" The amusement and softness in Dean's voice was gone.  
"Pay for what?"  
"Hitoshi." The brunette shook his head.  
"I didn't kill him!"  
"Like I said before that is a matter of opinion. Someone is going to pay for his death and it might as well be you," Dean shrugged. _He's insane,_ Ken whined inside.  
"Killing me won't bring him back," he said quietly and took another step back.  
"Shut up!" The brunette frowned. _Looks like I found a sore spot,_ he commented in his head.  
"You can go around killing others for the rest of your life but Fukunishi isn't coming back." Green eyes flared with anger. "How many lifes are you going to take before you're satisfied?" Ken didn't really know what he was doing but if he could enrage Dean then maybe, just maybe, he'd have a better chance at fighting him. The green eyes man seemed to pull himself together.  
"Just one, yours. I'm not greedy," he answered and smiled. _Well that went really well,_ the brunette snorted to himself. _Think Hidaka, think dammit!_  
"Fukunishi snatched me away from the ones I love, tortured me, almost killed me and then fucked up while driving and you blame me for it?"  
"Bingo! If you hadn't been so foolish and given back that folder that would never have happened," Dean answered. Ken sighed, he couldn't really argue with that. So quickly the brunette hardly had time to react the much larger man moved forward and grabbed his shirt. "I wanna hear you scream in pain!" Dean snarled and threw him to the floor almost knocking him out cold. Dazed and with his back and head throbbing with pain from the impact Ken tried to get back onto his feet. A strong hand on his chest stopped him. "I don't think so." Dean aimed a hard blow to Ken's chest and they both heard one or several ribs crack. A sharp moan of pain escaped the brunette. Dean rose and paced around him. "I think I want to hear you beg Ken." Brown eyes looked up shining with stubborness. There was no way in hell he would beg to that man!  
"Fuck you!" Ken snarled in english and clenched his hands into fists.  
"Wrong answer." A large foot was placed on the brunette's hand och pressed down. Ken tried to pull away but Dean was too heavy. "Beg!" When he got no answer Dean pressed down harder and Ken whimpered as the bones in his hand screamed in protest. "I said, BEG!" The brunette bit down on his lip and closed his eyes. No matter what Dean did he refused to beg, his pride wouldn't allow it especially not since he had spilled information to Fukunishi. The green eyed man snickered and put all his weight on the foot covering Ken's fist. With a disgusting snap the bones broke and the brunette let out a piercing cry of pain and agony. "Not so tough after all hm?" Dean mused and delivered a hard kick to Ken's already broken ribs. "Let the pain sink in pretty boy, I'll be back in a while." With those words the brunette was left alone.

Ran picked up his katana and sighed. He would have to leave his beloved weapon behind. When he tried to use it he had almost blackened out from the pain. Maybe the wound from that shot had been more serious than he had thought at first? The redhead groaned. He couldn't go after Dean unarmed but the katana would have to stay behind. A knock on the door made him wince and he let out a low grumble of pain. He padded over to the door and opened it.  
"We're all set," Omi said and the two blondes walked in. "I brought my laptop."  
"Could you check for any links to Dean here?" Ran asked and carefully sat down.  
"Sure."  
"What's with the pale face Fujimiya?" Yoji asked and studied the redhead. Ran didn't answer. "You got hit back there didn't you?" Omi looked up from his laptop and frowned.  
"Did you?" Ran sighed inside.  
"It's only a scratch," he answered callously and shrugged. That was a big mistake and it caused him to wince in pain.  
"Only a scratch huh?" Yoji muttered. "How bad is it?"  
"Tell us Ran-kun. It could be dangerous if you're badly hurt." Without answering the redhead rose and showed his team-mates the wound.  
"It's still bleeding," the lanky playboy frowned.  
"Can you use your katana?" Ran shook his head at the small blonde's question.  
"Fuck! How are we suppose to rescue Ken if you can't even…" The redhead gave Yoji a deadly glare that shut him up.  
"We need a gun," Omi said matter-of-factly and returned his attention to the computer. They were all quiet for a long time. "Aha! I think I know where Ken-kun is!"

The pain was too much. His hand hurt so badly Ken couldn't even think about moving. Every breath he took threatened to kill him as his broken rib, or ribs, pressed into his lung. He didn't know how long he had been lying there screaming in agony but he had almost lost his voice by now. Fukunishi had broken his fingers but this was diffrent. Broken fingers could be fixated but he didn't have a clue to what to do about his hand. The muscles pulled the broken bones apart and caused him even more pain. A part of the brunette really wanted Dean to come back and just kill him but that wasn't going to happen. The green eyed man wanted him to suffer and this was just the beginning. Ken whimpered and closed his eyes. _Ran, where are you? Please help me,_ he begged inside and took comfort in the image of his lover he could see before his eyes.  
"I'm back pretty boy. Did you miss me?" a glee-filled voice suddenly said. "Screamed yourself hoarse huh?" Ken's dazed brown eyes opened slowly and looked at the man responsible for his pain.  
"K… Ksama," the brunette croaked out and yelped in pain.  
"Ready for round two?" Dean asked and smiled as he approached his victim. "I hope you're having as much fun as I am." The green eyed man kneeled beside the brunette and roughly pulled his head up. Ken cried out from the agony the sudden movement caused him and stared at Dean. A forcefull hand opened his mouth and then something was poured down his throat. "It won't kill you in these small volumes," Dean smirked and put his big hand over the brunette's mouth and nose, forcing him to swallow the bitter liquid. It traveled down his throat and felt like it set it on fire. Ken's eyes started watering and he desperatly wanted to throw up. "I wouldn't vomit if I was you," his tormenter warned him. "If you do I'll feed it back to you!" With pure willpower Ken managed to keep the liquid down. The pain from his broken bones subsided a little.  
"Wh… what was that?" he asked hoarsly and gasped for air.  
"It's a mild acid pretty boy. It hurts like hell though, doesn't it?" Dean answered with a morbid grin on his face. The brunette's insides were on fire and felt like they were being torn inside out. _RAN!_ Ken screamed in his head. If Ran and the others didn't hurry there wouldn't be a Ken left for them to rescue.

~TBC~

Sorry another cliffhanger ne? I can't help it!!! *sighs* And please remember that if you kill me you'll never find out what's going to happen *hires a bodyguard just in case* Ja/Atsureki


	13. A Lover For A Lover

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I refuse to tell you I don't own Weiss! Ah crap I just did *deep sighs*

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), torture and stuff, short chapter (sorry but I'm having writer's block), probably should be more warnings but we'll leave it at this. 

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts.

Chapter 13. A Lover For A Lover

Ran was nervous, very nervous and he didn't like it one bit. The dark area they were entering gave him a bad feeling in his gut that he couldn't shake. Like that wasn't enough the gunshot wound in his side threatened to cause him to black out if he moved too much or too fast. But it didn't matter, nothing mattered except finding his lover and make sure he was safe.  
"Abyssinian, you have two guards to your left," Omi's hushed voice said in his hear.  
"Copy that Bombay," Ran answered and cursed since he couldn't take them out. He was unarmed and not as fast as he usually was due to the pain.  
"Balinese to the rescue," Yoji almost sang over the link. The tall lanky blonde skipped past Ran and a string of silver shot out towards the nearest guard. Moments later the second one fell too. "Someone ordered a gun?" Yoji grinned and threw the weapon in the redhead's direction. It fell to the ground with a loud clatter.  
"Balinese get a grip on yourself!" Ran scolded and sufficated a cry from the pain caused by him bending down to retrive the gun.  
"Getting a grip on myself, Abyssinian," the blonde promised and gave Ran a wide grin. Yoji liked this mission and it was plain repulsive.  
"Balinese, you have another guard coming towards you from the left."  
"Copy that Bombay… Um which left?"  
"My left," Omi muttered. Ran saw how Yoji looked from the left to the right and back to the left again.  
"Which fucking left is that Bombay?!" Before Omi had a chance to answer a tall guard showed up. "Aha! Got him!" Yoji grinned and took down the man swiftly.  
"Okay enough playing around!" Ran snarled and chanced a peek at his side. Blood was dreanching the bandages quickly. _Fuck! I'm gonna bleed to death before we even get inside the building,_ he sighed to himself.

Ken drifted in and out of consciousness. The pain caused him to black out and then pulled him back to reality again. Most of the times when he woke up Dean was hovering over him like some damn executioner. The brunette couldn't talk anymore and the burning pain from the acid Dean and forced him to drink was more than he could take.  
"Wake up pretty boy!" A hard foot smashed into his back. "I think it's time for round three, don't you?" Dean asked with his voice soft and cruel. Something sharp dug into Ken's foot and made him open his mouth in a soundless cry of agony. Over and over again the green eyed man cut through the soles of his feet. "Don't be such a baby! I didn't cut you that deep," the green eyes psycho muttered. "I don't want you bleeding to death!" Something was rubbed into the wounds and it hurt so much Ken managed to let out a high-pitched scream of pain.

Ran aimed his gun at a guard's head and smiled grimly. The sound of the shot almost made him lose his hearing but it was worth it. With a thud the body hit the floor.  
"Do you think it's wise to use the gun?" Omi asked and frowned. "Do we really want to alert Dean that we're here?" Ran shrugged. He didn't care, it didn't matter. A scream echoed through the dark corridore and it made the hair on the Ran's head stand up.  
"Ken!" They all turned in the direction that the scream seemed to come from. The redhead took the lead with the gun pointed straight ahead.  
"Abyssinan?" Ran turned around and glanced at Yoji. "I think it came from over there." The lanky blonde pointed to a heavy oakdoor with a key in the keyhole.  
"Let's take a look." They approached the door carefully. Omi picked up another set of darts and narrowed his eyes. "On three," Ran whispered and placed his hand on the handle.  
"We're ready Abyssinian," Omi nodded. Amethyst eyes shone with danger as their owner started counting.  
"One, two, three." As soon as three was spoken he pushed down the handle. The door flung open and the three assassins stepped inside. Dean was standing infront of them with Ken hanging limply over one of his arms.  
"Well hello there," he smirked and his green eyes glittered. "I see that I need to practise my aim a little." Dean tilted his head as he looked at Ran. "Oh well I won't miss this time." A silver-shining gun was firmly pressed against Ken's sweaty forehead.  
"I wouldn't do that," Ran snarled and took a step closer.  
"No you wouldn't but then you're not me," Dean smiled and unclicked the safety. "Now stand still or the pretty boy gets it!" Amythyst eyes flared and narrowed.  
"You've already almost killed him, isn't that enough?" Yoji growled and pulled at his wires.  
"Actually no. He's gonna die, the question is… Are you three going to go with him?"  
"Let him go," Ran sighed. "If you want to kill someone, kill me." The two blondes stared at their leader as Ran dropped the gun to the floor.  
"Trading your life for his hm?"  
"Yes."  
"I don't know… But then again, he killed my lover I guess it's only fair if I kill his ne?" Dean pondered and eyed the redhead.  
"Fukunishi was your lover?" Green eyes glared at Yoji.  
"Yes, do you have a problem with that?" The lanky playboy shook his head. "Do you know how it feels to have the one you love die in your arms? To watch him release his final breath?"  
"Killing Ken won't give you Hitoshi back," Ran said quietly. "It wasn't Ken's fault, why make him pay for the guilt you feel?" Dean let out a snarl.  
"I don't really care and whether or not your lover killed mine is a matter of opinion! Now, are you still willing to take pretty boy's place here?"  
"Yes, I'd do anything to save him," the redhead stated firmly.  
"Well then. He's in bad shape and probably will die anyway so let's make a deal. I get you instead of Ken here and you're two friends get lost."  
"Ran-kun, don't," Omi begged and glanced at Ran.  
"It doesn't matter Omi. I never intended to live, anyway."

Omi glanced at Yoji who carried Ken. They left the dark building as a lonely gunshot echoed through the air, proclaiming their safety and someone else's death. Unable to help himself the small blonde felt tears running down his cheeks.  
"Why? Yoji-kun, why didn't he fight?" The lanky assassin looked at his friend and shook his head.  
"Don't you understand why?" he asked and looked at Omi.  
"No, I don't understand!"  
"Ran can't live without Ken, he doesn't want to, but that's not why he did it," Yoji sighed sadly and carefully placed the brunette in their car.  
"Then why?!" Omi almost yelled.  
"Didn't you see how Ran looked? Omi, he was already dying." At that the petit blonde sank to the ground. He was crying for the loss of Ran but even more so for Ken. "Sch Omi," Yoji mumbled and lifted his team-mate up from the ground. "He was bleeding so badly and I don't think just one bullet hit him either."

White sterile walls greeted him when he opened his eyes. He didn't know where he was and he was in so much pain. Carefully he looked around and his brow gaze landed on a blonde mop of hair. _Omi,_ he thought. They had saved him! _Where's Ran?_ Ken's eyes darted around but there was no one else in the room. He tried to get Omi's attention but his voice was still gone. Wincing in pain he reached out and touched his team-mate's shoulder. Blue eyes fluttered open and met his.  
"Ken-kun. We've been so worried about you," the petit blonde said and took his hand. Ken wanted to ask about Ran but all he got out was gruff moans. "Yoji!" It only took a second or two before the lanky playboy came in.  
"Finally awake Ken?" he asked quietly. Something was wrong. Yoji seemed so subdued and the brunette could tell that Omi had been crying. "The doctors say you're gonna be fine but you won't be able to speak for a few days, nor walk for that matter. The acid you swallowed has damaged your throat and your stomach slightly but nothing fatal. They'll release you soon and then we'll go back to Tokyo." Ken tried to object but his voice wouldn't obey him.  
"There's something we have to tell you Ken-kun," Omi whispered and held his hand tighter. The brunette shook his head. He didn't want to hear it! He knew he didn't want to hear it.  
"Ken, when we found you Dean was about to shoot you. Ran… Ran traded his life for yours. When Dean shot at him when he took you earlier that night Ran got hit. He was bleeding badly and… He's gone Ken," Yoji ended with his voice barely audible. A heartbreaking scream echoed through the silent hospital as tears poured down a brunette's cheek.

Three men sat quietly in the seats as a jumbo-jet touched ground on Tokyo's airport. Hardly a word had been spoken during the long flight. There were no smiling, no flirting and no talking. Ken waited in his seat as his two friends got his wheelchair. He felt so empty and lost. Dean was still out there but Ran… Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought about his lover. It felt so unreal. He was going home but there would be no Ran there, ever again. How cruel was life allowed to be? Strong arms helped in into the chair and pushed him towards the exit. He could still see Ran's face, hear his deep, smooth, loving voice, smell his hair. Ken wiped the tears from his bruised face. He didn't want to go back to the house, see all the places where Ran had used to be. See his empty bed, knowing that they were never going to share it again. It would have been better if Dean had killed him too. People stared at the three young men as they went through the airport but neither one of them noticed. For a while they stopped as Omi went to get their bagage. The slender blonde returned and without a word he carefully placed Ran's katana in Ken's hands. With a low cry the brunette hugged it.  
"Ran," he croaked out with his hoarse voice. A gentle hand was placed on his shoulder.  
"I'm sorry Ken." Yoji's words meant nothing. Nothing seemed to mean anything anymore. Ran had given his life to save him and it was the most awful thing anyone could have done to Ken.  
"Let's go home," Omi sighed. They started moving again. Soon they left the busy airport and got into Yoji's car to drive back home.

On a private landing-strip elsewhere, a jet stopped. A tall green eyed man exited it and humbly bowed infront of an old japanese man.  
"I heard you brought me a gift Walker-san."  
"Hai Oyabun-sama," Dean answered without lifting his head up. "I'll give it to you as soon as we're alone."  
"Very well." Together with the old man's bodyguards they left the jet behind them. Four other men exited the plane carrying something large between them. They carefully placed it in the back of a limo and followed their master.

~TBC~

I don't know how planes work with wheelchairs but oh well let's pretend that you can at least get one out from them. Ja/Atsureki


	14. Nothing Is What It Seems

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I refuse to tell you I don't own Weiss! Ah crap I just did *deep sighs*

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), short chapter (sorry but I'm having writer's block), probably should be more warnings but we'll leave it at this. 

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts. Stuff marked * is explained at the end of this chappy!

Chapter 14. Nothing Is What It Seems

Ken curled up in Ran's bed and shivered. It was so cold without Him there, everything was cold without Him. Sobbing quietly he hugged the katana closer. That was all he had left now. With a low scream of agony the brunette buried his face in a pillow that still carried the smell of his dead lover.  
"Ran, please, don't leave me like this," he cried into the pillow as his body shook in sadness. But his begging was useless and he knew it. It didn't matter what he said or did, Ran wasn't going to come back. When he couldn't cry anymore his aching heart turned to anger. A part of him hated Ran, hated him for being so damn unselfish, for leaving him. His rage knew no limits just like his sadness. Angry he threw the katana to the floor and winced at the loud clatter of metal meeting wood. "I hate you! I hate you! I… I…" The tears came back again. "You should have let him kill me too Ran," he whimpered into the pillow. Eventually the anger and crying dragged him to sleep. In his dreams Ran was still alive, holding him in his strong arms, making love to him,. Moaning in his sleep Ken wrapped his tanned arms around the pillow and smiled as the tears dried on his cheeks.

******flashback******

Ran refused to watch as Yoji and Omi carried out his lover. He really believed he was doing the right thing so why did it feel so wrong? It didn't matter though. This gave Ken a chance to live. He himself was already lost. The wound in the side of his stomach was fatal, he knew that now. Most likely both bullets had hit him and the second one was still in there. Dean turned to him and smiled sweetly.  
"Love makes people do strange shit," he commented softly and put away his gun.  
"Just go ahead and kill me already," Ran sighed. Dean pulled out the gun again, smiled and fired it once. Amethyst eyes stared at green lost in confusion.  
"You know… Pretty boy thinks you're dead and so does the two blondes now tell me this… Why on earth should I kill you?" Dean laughed and picked up a cellphone. "I get my revenge and I get to bring you back to Tokyo so that I can hand you over to Oyabun-sama."  
"Hattori?" Ran managed to croak out.  
"Hattori? Please don't insult me! To hell with that little maggot! I'm talking about the real Oyabun-sama of the clan yakuza. Surely you must have guessed by now that I work for him?" Confused, pale and losing blood quickly the redhead sank down on the floor.

******end flashback******

Soft hands changed his bandages and carefully offered him something to drink. Scowling he turned his face away and stubbornly refused to accept it.  
"Is he still doing that?" a deep voice asked.  
"Hai Walker-san. We're gonna have to go back to feeding him by IV," the nurse sighed. "He's extremly stubborn."  
"I know but I'll break him eventually." Amethyst eyes shining with hate bore into green. "Easy there Red, don't overexcite yourself," Dean chuckled.  
"Fuck you!" Ran spat out. "I will kill you!"  
"Yes, yes of course you will. But not right now," the green eyed man smiled. The redhead didn't know how but Dean had managed to save his life and that was not something he was happy about at the moment. While he was thankful for being alive so that he could see Ken again he also knew that the chances of getting away from the yakuza was slim at the best.  
"What do you want from me?" he growled.  
"I wanted the information that could end Hattori's life," Dean answered simply.  
"Well I won't give it up that easily!" The other man laughed.  
"You already have kitten," a third voice mused. With wide eyes Ran watched a very familier man enter the room.  
"You!" the redhead snarled with anger.  
"Not happy to see me Abyssinian?"  
"I'm only happy to see you if you're dead you german bastard!" Ran grated out and glared at the orange haired german.  
"I should have you declawed," the other man chuckled sweetly. "But I must say your mind is a lot fun. And damn you have it bad for Siberian! 90% of your brain is filled with sappy stuff."  
"Schuldig get a grip on yourself!" Dean muttered and glared at the german.  
"Ja, ja, whatever you say Boss. I thought you said I could play with the kitten, though."  
"When he's better he's all yours," Dean promised and smirked. "But for now he's mine." Schuldig walked closer to the angry and confused redhead. //Do you know why I'm working for this sadistic bastard?// Ran's eyes narrowed. No and I can't say I give a shit either, he spat out inside his head. You just want to play games with me! //Gar nicht*. Be nice Ran! I don't think you understand how much you're going to thank me later,// the german sighed in his head and turned around. //Don't be so quick in judging who's the bad guy around here. You might regret it later. Tschüß! Bis später* Abyssinian.// Ran frowned deeply. What the hell was that suppose to mean?

For the third time in less than an hour Yoji had to sort out a mess Ken had created. The brunette was lost to the world, completely out of reach. Time and time again he gave back the wrong change, picked out the wrong flowers, dropped things or just froze in the middle of the floor staring into the air and when he finally snapped out of it he just left. Yoji sighed. They would have to do something about Ken before the brunette lost it completely. The bell above the door rang and he turned around to tell yet another school-girl that they were closed.  
"Guten Tag* Balinese." The lanky blonde's eyes narrowed.  
"What the hell are you doing here?!"  
"I see you're happy to see me too," Schuldig muttered more to himself than to Yoji. "I thought kittens were friendly."  
"How did you find us here?" At that the german telepath smiled.  
"Good ol' Abyssinian 'told' me about this place," he nodded and glanced at the roses in the blonde's hand.  
"Ran? But Ran's…" A rather confused look on Schuldig's face stopped him. He could feel the german poking around inside his head.  
"Now I'm a tad bit confused. Abyssinian isn't dead. Hm that would explain why you just left him with the yakuza though," Schuldig muttered and froze. Something sharp was pressed against his neck.  
"You know, you shouldn't concentrate so hard," Yoji smirked. "That's right Omi keep him still."  
"What were you saying about Ran-kun?" the small blonde asked and pressed the arrow into the sensitive skin.

Omi and Yoji stared at their enemy. Actually Schuldig acted less and less like an enemy with each minute that past. Confusing and unsettling what was it was, at least to Omi.  
"Let me get this straight," Yoji frowned and glared at the german. "You're asking us for help?"  
"Ja. Trust me I get no kick from this! But I need help or to get rid of Dean. That man is one serious pain in my ass," Schuldig muttered sourly. "Since Swartz was disbanded I've been doing the odd job here and there and unfortunately I did one for Dean." Omi narrowed his blue eyes.  
"And just why should we believe you?" The german smiled.  
"If I was you I wouldn't but if you help me I can give you Ran back. Now that should be wroth at least something, nicht*?" Omi glanced at his team-mate who nodded.  
"Alright, let's say we do agree to help you. What do you want us to do?"  
"I want you to kill Hattori and then Dean. It's the only way neither of us is gonna end up with a price on our heads from the clan yakuza," Schuldig explained and corrected his bandana.  
"Nice plan but Hattori is harder to pull out of his wormhole than a dogs dick from a willing bitch," Yoji grunted.  
"Not if you have the information Ran's been sitting on and the information Dean has," the german smirked. "Have you forgotten that I'm a telepath?"  
"Omi we need to talk," the lanky blonde muttered.  
"Hai Yoji-kun." The chanced leaving Schuldig alone in the shop.  
"I don't trust him but he does have a point. If Ran is still alive we can't just leave him hanging."  
"True Yoji-kun but…" Omi frowned. "Either way I don't think we should tell Ken-kun."  
"I agree. If Schuldig is lying it would kill Ken. So we agree then? We'll help him but we don't trust him?" Omi nodded.  
"We'll have to be very carefull, he's dangerous and so is Hattori and Dean."

Schuldig didn't like what was happening but he didn't have much of a choice anymore. Weiß were the only ones that could help him out of the mess he had gotten himself into. Muttering to himself in german he paced the Koneko. He didn't give a rat's ass about Ran but as long as the redhead could convince Omi and Yoji to help him he'd make sure he was safe. After what seemed to be a really long time the two blondes finally came back.  
"Okay Schuldig, we're in. But if you're lying I'll kill you myself! Is that understood?" The german smiled at the lanky blonde.  
"But of course kitten. I wouldn't have it any other way." 

~TBC~

*Gar nicht = Not at all  
Tschüß! Bis später = Bye! See you later  
Guten Tag = Good Day  
Nicht = Right? or Don't you think? (sort of hard to translate since I use it from Swedish to German)

Yes Schu's here *bounces up and down* I just love his voice *drooling* Hrm anyways, he's not a real bad guy in here *shakes head* OOC? But of course he is! I'm writing him *L* Oh well… And about the german stuff I use. I might have gotten carried away but it felt so good to use my german again *L* 

Poor Ken *snuggles with him* Don't worry Liebling Ran's alive and they're working on bringing him back again!!! Ja/Atsureki


	15. Mission Time

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I refuse to tell you I don't own Weiss! Ah crap I just did *deep sighs*

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), probably should be more warnings but we'll leave it at this. 

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts. Stuff marked * is explained at the end of this chappy!

Chapter 15. Mission Time

Schuldig growled to himself as he stretched his mind to find Ken. He understood why Yoji and Omi had insisted that he'd do this but that didn't mean he had to like it. His eyes narrowed when he stumbled across the chaos that ruled inside the brunette's head.  
"Mien Gott*," he gasped and tried to find some sort of order in Ken's mind. "This is one seriously messed up kitten." It would take him some time to sort that out. Growling even louder he started to change, manipulate and rearrange Ken's thoughts. He was sweating buckets when he finally withdrew his thoughts from the brunette's. A part of the german was jealous. Why didn't anyone love him like Ken loved Ran? Schuldig shook his head and frowned. After having rested for a while he again accessed the assassin's head. There, there was at least some order now. Satisfied he got up from the chair he had been sitting on and wiped his forehead.  
"You done?" He turned around and glared at Yoji.  
"Ja, but I wouldn't pressure him into doing or thinking anything. He's a wreck."  
"Is he going to be alright?" Omi asked and frowned with concern.  
"How should I know? The sooner you get Abyssinian back here the better," Schuldig shrugged. "Now do we have a plan of some sort?"  
"Hai, with the information you gave us we've cooked up a little surprise for Hattori but you have to make sure Dean stays the hell away," Yoji grumbled and played with his wires.  
"Will do."  
"Good, now get out of here. And Schuldig, remember what I said earlier…" The german grinned.  
"I never forget anything Balinese." He strolled out from the flowershop without looking back.

The two blondes glared after him before they grabbed their stuff and went back to the kitchen. Omi carefully checked his darts.  
"I wish Ken-kun could come with us."  
"So do I Omi but he's not well…" Yoji sighed. It was dangerous to do this mission but they didn't have much of a choice.  
"I'm done. Do you have the explosives?"  
"Hai bishounen. I guess we better go then?" Omi nodded and glanced towards the stairs.  
"Will he be alright by himself?"  
"I gave him some water earlier with enough drugs in it to knock him out for the rest of the night," the lanky blonde nodded. "I'll check on him before we leave."  
"Yoji-kun, what do we do if this doesn't work out?" The taller blonde sighed. He really didn't want to think about that at all. If they failed they would lose Ran for real and with him Ken. The brunette was already on the brink of dying inside.  
"It'll work out Omi, is has to," he sighed and stalked up the stairs to check on their team-mate. Just as he had thought the brunette was fast asleep, hugging Ran's katana to his chest as if it was a teddy bear.

Omi didn't curse much but at the moment he was spitting out ever foul word he could think of. With anger he yanked out one of his arrows from the wall. His aim was getting sloppy and that he simply could not tolerate.  
"Bombay, what's your location?" Yoji asked in his ear.  
"I'm on the second floor Balinese. This place is swamped with security." A huff confirmed that the lanky playboy had noticed that too.  
"You okay?"  
"Hai Balinese but I've killed the wall three times," Omi muttered sourly and pulled out another set of darts. His bow would have to rest for a while.  
"Hang tight I'm coming up to you Bombay."  
"Copy that Balinese." The petit blonde took a step into the shadows and crouched down. He hated waiting especially when he had no back up. Normally one of his team-mates where close by but not now.  
"Bombay where the hell are you?" Yoji hissed in his ear.  
"Second door on your right Balinese."  
"Ah there, I almost missed it," the playboy muttered. The door opened and Yoji came in. "So where do we go from here?" Omi pulled out a map and frowned.  
"According to Schuldig, Hattori's office is on the seventh floor at the end of the corridore," he answered quietly.  
"Joy, more fucking stairs with a shit load of guards no doubt," Yoji complained sourly. "God dammit my ass hurts!" Omi raised an eyebrow.  
"Your what?"  
"My ass, bum, behind, rear, backside, do any of these words ring a bell?" The tall blonde's face was annoyed and his eyes shone with pain.  
"What did you to do your um eh behind?" Omi asked carefully and blushed.  
"I don't want to talk about it!" Yoji snapped and scowled at his team-mate.  
"Come on now Yotan, what's wrong?"  
"I got shot, okay! I got shot… in the ass," the older blonde spat out and Omi couldn't help but laugh. He got a look of pure disgust from Yoji. "Yes, ha ha very funny Omi! Now let's get moving before I bleed to death." He turned his back to Omi and stalked over to the door while he muttered to himself. "My poor ass, I won't be able to sit for weeks. And what about my dates? I can't date when my ass is shot to shit. This is so not fair." The slender blonde bit down on his fist to stop himself from laughing. How on earth had Yoji managed that? He pulled himself together, he really should check if his team-mate was okay.  
"I'm sorry Yoji-kun I didn't mean to laugh at you. Are you okay?" Green eyes glared at him.  
"Sure I'm fine, peachy. Well I'm not dying if that's what you wanna know? But I'm not going to enjoy climbing those stairs." Satisfied with the answer Omi took the lead towards the staircase. It seemed empty enough so he slipped inside and waited for Yoji to join him. Together they started moving up. The small blonde felt bad for his team-mate who obviously suffered with each step he took.  
"Are you sure you're okay Balinese? Is it bleeding much?"  
"I'm in pain and I need a smoke Bombay," Yoji muttered. "Bleeding? How the hell should I know how bad it is? It's not like I can see anything back there. You wanna take a look?" Omi shook his head. He liked Yoji but not enough to study his behind. "Didn't think so." After what seemed to be half a lifetime the finally reached the seventh floor. The smaller blonde took a peek into the corridore and frowned.  
"We have a problem Balinese," he whispered.  
"So what else is new? What is it this time?" Yoji sighed.  
"The corridore is empty."  
"And this is a bad thing because…"  
"If Hattori is there shouldn't there be guards?" Yoji sighed again. It was obvious that he was in a lot of pain and utterly fed up with the whole mission.  
"So what do we do Bombay? Keep going or turn back?" Omi bit his lip. If they turned back now there was no way of knowing if they'd ever get another shot at Hattori.  
"We'll continue," he answered reluctlantly. Carefully he stepped out from the staircase and looked around. It was quiet, way too quiet for his likening.

Yoji gritted his teeth. He was in a lot of pain and he was annoyed beyond himself for being so sloppy. Actually he was lucky that it was his behind that had been shot at and not his head. Growling curses under his breath he followed Omi. They reached the door to Hattori's office and stopped.  
"Now what?" The lanky blonde knew he sounded kranky but well he was kranky. Omi thought for a moment.  
"I think we better just dive in there. Usually we'd let Ken go first but well since he isn't here I…"  
"I'll go first then," Yoji muttered. He just wanted this to be over so that he could take his precious butt to a hospital. With a sigh he moved infront of Omi and tested the door. Unlocked. That couldn't be good. "You ready Bombay?" The small blonde nodded and kept his darts ready. With every nerve on edge he swung the door open and stormed inside. A black haired man stared at them in shock.  
"What's the meaning of this?" he asked harshly and rose.  
"Well Hattori…" Yoji drawled. "We're here to give you a little something." The man frowned and stalked closer. "I suggest you stay over there! We have a little score to settle with you." The yakuza-leader suddenly smiled.  
"I expected more from Weiß. Can't you see a trap when it's right in front of you?" Yoji glanced over at Omi and narrowed his green eyes.  
"Even if you call your guards now they won't get here in time," the small blonde sighed almost sadly and picked up one of his darts.  
"We'll see about that," the man muttered and pushed a button on his desk. Before his hand had left it Yoji released his wire and watched how the silvery thread wrapped itself around the older man's neck.  
"We will but you won't." He stretched it and the black haired man started to fight for air. With a quick snap of his arm the lanky playboy strangled him. "Let's get out of here Bombay." Omi nodded but didn't move. "Bombay?"  
"Just a moment Balinese," the little blonde frowned and walked closer to the dead man. "That's not Hattori."  
"What the fuck?!" Yoji snarled and leaned over the fallen man. "Fuck!"  
"Looking for me?" a sweet voice said from the door. The two assassin's swirled around and glared at the real Hattori. Omi reacted first and sent dart after dart flying through the air. Two of them hit Hattori and the rest buried themselves in some of the guards. Yoji wasn't slow to follow and used his wires to render another one.  
"Mission is a success," the lanky blonde muttered and stepped over the dead bodies. "Let's get the fuck out of here!" Omi nodded and followed him.  
"I don't like what happened here at all," Bombay frowned thoughtfully as they walked down the corridore.  
"I'm with you on that. Something stinks with this whole mission, ne? Are the explosives in place?"  
"Hai Balinese." They left the large building and didn't even turn around to watch it scatter as Omi pushed the remote. Things had gone a little too easy and Yoji didn't like it one bit.

~TBC~

*Mein Gott = My God

Poor Yoji's bum *laffs* I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself. I've just watched The Mummy Returns and well Yoji's suffering because of it… Sowwie Yotan! Ja/Atsureki


	16. Hunting

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : If I owned them you wouldn't be reading this!

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as usual), probably should be more warnings but we'll leave it at this. 

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts.

Chapter 16. Hunting

Omi waited for Yoji in the hospital's hall. He wasn't all that concerned about his team-mate's health since the wound hadn't been that deep but he was concerned about the mission. It had gone way too easy. Was it really Hattori they had killed or another imposter? Omi paced back and forth with a frown on his child-like face. It didn't really matter though, he just wanted to get away from the hospital and back to Ken. The brunette wouldn't sleep forever. //Hey kitten?// a voice suddenly asked in his head.   
"Schuldig?" Omi frowned. //The one and only. Did you get rid of Hattori?// _We killed two Hattori's. Let's just hope at least one of them was the real one,_ the blonde answered with annoyance. //FUCK! Did one of them act real stupid?// Omi raised an eyebrow. What kind of question was that? _Um the second one sorta did. Why?_ //Good then my little thing worked. They were going to ambush you but I interfered,// the german chuckled inside the blonde's head. _Where's Dean?_ It was quiet for a long time. //He's with Abyssinian. You might want to get a move on with our plans or there won't be much left here to save. Dean is getting restless.// _Fuck._ //Whoa didn't know you had such a dirty mind little kitten.// "Oh shut up," Omi said out loud and got a strange look from some of the nurses that past him by.

Ken rose from his bed and shook his head. It felt heavy and like it wasn't a part of him. Gently he placed the katana on the bed, not sure why he had it in his hands, and walked out from the bedroom. He might be disoriented but he wasn't stupid. Yoji had drugged him that much was obvious and that could only mean that the two blonde's were up to something. Slowly he made it to the kitchen and sank down on a chair, exhaused just from the short walk.  
"Ran," he whimpered and hugged himself. "Ran, where are you?" For some reason he couldn't quite grasp where his lover was or what had happened to him. It felt like someone had pulled some of his memories out of his reach. Why did his heart hurt so much when he thought about Ran? Why was he so sad and broken inside? Ken didn't know and he was pretty sure he didn't want to know either. "Ran?" he called out and waited for that deep smooth voice to answer him. Not a sound except his own breathing and heartbeats. This was scaring him. "RAN!?" Still no reply. For some reason he started shaking and soon the tears poured down his cheeks. Where was his lover? Was he all alone? Ken rubbed his face and tried to calm down. He started backtracking his memories to find the answer to his questions. Dean had separated him from the others and tortured him. After that it was so fuzzy almost as if he had lost his memory all over again. '_Ran traded his life for yours,_' Yoji's voice whispered inside his head. "Dean!" the brunette growled. So that green eyed bastard had Ran, well Ken would change that. Snarling in anger he stalked back upstairs to get dressed. Quickly he put on the clothes he usually wore during missions and grabbed his clawed gloves. Dean worked for the clan yakuza which probably meant that his lover was there too. The brunette also took Ran's katana with him before he hurried to his bike. "Hang on, I'm coming."

Ran snorted at Dean and still refused to eat anything. His body was healing but it got no help from the redhead. Sighing to himself he closed his eyes and thought of his lover. God how he missed Ken. He just needed to hear that soft voice, feel the brunette's touch, taste him again. But would he ever get the chance? Ran wasn't so sure. It still remained hidden just what Dean wanted with him and then there was Schuldig. The german had said some strange things to him and what they meant he had no idea. Dean on the other hand had stated that all he wanted was the information in Ran's head but he already had that so why didn't he either kill him or let him go? He still kept Schuldig away from the redhead too which was confusing. Annoyed he went back to thinking about Ken. How was the brunette doing? Not very good Ran guessed since his lover though he was dead. _I'm not dead Ken. I wish I could just show you that I'm still alive._ The pain and suffering the brunette must be going through made him want to cry. He had lost Ken once and he wouldn't wish that kind of hurt on anyone, friend or foe. With a deep sigh he sank deeper down into the pillow and glared at the green eyed man.  
"Looks like your little friends actually managed to kill Hattori," Dean finally said and came closer. Ran raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. "I'm a little surprised though. Don't get me wrong I have no objetions about him being dead at all but… Hattori should have been able to finish off Blondie and Shorty. You're little kitten is out of action and can't even leave his or rather your bed." The redhead closed his eyes. _Ken,_ he moaned inside and felt how the pain in his heart doubled. "I bet you are wondering why you're still here." Amethyst eyes opened again and glared. "It's Oyabun-sama. He's forbidden me to kill you or hand you over to Schuldig and I don't like it! Do you understand how frustrating this is?"  
"Can't say that I do, can't say that I give a fuck either," Ran spat out and glared harder. "Well it makes me restless and annoyed. That is something you should give a fuck about," Dean growled and narrwed his green eyes.  
"And why should I? I'm not gonna make it out of here alive either way." Dean laughed. "That remains to be seen kitten. If I get my way Schuldig will have you and I'm pretty sure you'd prefer to be dead." Ran rolled his eyes and went back to ignored the green eyed bastard again.

Schuldig frowned deeply and pulled his mind away from Dean's. He was in deep shit if he couldn't get Ran away from the yakuza. The deal he had made with Yoji and Omi stated that he had to give Ran back to them.  
"Fuck!" the german exclaimed loudly and deepened his frown even more. "What I need is someone to kill Dean and I needed it like yesterday." He chewed on his lip and pondered. Of course he could kill Dean himself but he didn't want to mess with the yakuza. They knew him and they were too powerful for him even if he was a telepath. That was why he needed Weiß! If they killed Dean the yakuza would just shrug it off since they weren't all that happy with Dean in the first place. Kritiker was probably the only thing the yakuza worried about, they would not pick a fight with them at any cost. Suddenly Schuldig smiled slightly. "Ah but of course." Quickly he stretched his thoughts in search of someone who he was sure could help him with his little problem. "Found you kitten," he nodded and got to work. All he had to do was give up some information about Dean's location, play puppet master and everything should be fixed. When he was done the german sighed deeply. This would solve his problems but it didn't feel right. "I'm sorry I really am but there's no other way." 

Ken was driving fast, recklessly but he didn't care. The only thing on his mind was was to find Ran. It was all that mattered to him. Without the silent redhead he was lost and alone and he couldn't stand it. With pure luck he avoided an accident. Something was going on in his head. It felt like someone was poking around in there and it was distracting him. Annoyed the bruentte shook his head to clear it, but the buzzing kept going. Without really understanding why he made a U-turn and sped off again. He had to go this way, why he had no idea but he just had to. Ken's mind was a mess but he knew that he had to get rid of someone who had hurt him, caused him pain. Confused and unsure he finally stopped his bike infront of a huge building. Like a puppet he got off the motorcycle and headed inside where he quickly got rid of four guards without even thinking. His feet lead him to the elevator and stepped inside. Almost as if he was on pause the brunette stared at the walls while the little box moved up and came to a halt. He trotted out into a corridore where he stopped to look around. More guards. Ken did away with them in the same mechanical way he had used on the men downstairs. They didn't stand a chance and the fight was short, brutal and messy. For a moment the clawed assassin froze since he didn't get any more instructions right away.

Ran's head snapped up at the same time as Dean's did. Amethyst and green eyes stared at Ken who suddenly was standing in the room.  
"How the hell did you get in here?" Dean snarled and narrowed his eyes in anger. The brunette didn't answer he just stood there. Ran stared. That was not a normal look for his lover. Ken looked alien, his face was completely emotionless and his eyes blank.   
"Ken?" he asked but the brown eyes never left Dean.  
"You wanna fight kitten?" No answer, no movement. "Give it your best shot pretty boy. I'm sure you haven't forgotten what I did to you last time." The brunette didn't even flinch but he came closer. With no warning the two men suddenly charged each other. Ran's eyes widened. Dean was bigger and stronger than Ken but the brunette was possessed. He went for the green eyed man's face, cutting him across the cheek before he jumped back. As soon as he had stepped back he stopped moving again and just stared at nothing as if he was waiting for new orders. Dean wiped the blood from his face and snarled in anger. He moved forward and almost managed to hit the shorter man. Ken moved out of the way and then dashed forward again. He slashed with his claws and almost cut deeply into the much larger man's arm. Dean howled in pain, clutching his wounded right arm. The brunette took a few steps back and went back to staring into the air. It was obvious that the green eyed man was in a lot of pain but he refused to give up. Ran stared at his lover who now retracted his claws. Dean was on the move again but Ken didn't even blink. With fear he saw how his lover finally reacted and pulled out something from underneath his coat. The redhead frowned. That was his coat and the thing Ken held in his hands was his katana. The shiny metal reflected the sun as the brunette raised it high. Dean saw his chance and threw himself forward going for the brunette's unprotected stomach. Ran watched in horror as the big man suddenly froze. Ken had brought down his hands just in time and now Dean was stuck on the sharp blade, the tip sticking out through his back. For a long time nobody moved and then suddenly the brunette pushed back the green eyed man who fell to the floor with a disgusting thud.   
"Ken," the redhead whispered. Brown eyes turned to him but they were still empty. "Ken are you okay?" Still no reaction.  
"I'm sorry for using him Abyssinian but things were getting dangerous here." Ran snapped his head to the left and glared.  
"Schuldig," he muttered darkly.  
"The one and only," the german agreed and turned his green eyes to the body on the floor. "Nice job there Siberian. I must say that Dean looks so much better dead than he ever did alive." Ken slowly turned his head.  
"What did you do to him?!"   
"I had to use him to kill Dean before he killed you. I made a deal with Bombay and Balinese. My end of it said that I had to bring you back to Weiß so that's what I'm doing," the german answered slowly.  
"I don't care about any deal! What did you do to Ken?!" Ran yelled and shot daggers at Schuldig.   
"Easy there Abyssinian, I'll fix him. It's gonna be a shock for him but he'll be alright," the redhead promised. He narrowed his green eyes and concentrated. Moments later Ken let out a high-pitched scream and fell to his knees. "I'm sorry Siberian but I didn't have any other choice." Ran stared since it actually sounded like Schuldig meant that.  
"Ken? Are you okay?" Unfocust brown eyes met concerned amethyst before Ken threw himself at the tall redhead.  
"Ran!" The brunette buried his face against his lover's neck and sobbed loudly.

Ken's mind raced as Schuldig gave him access to all his memories again. The agony and pain from Ran's death came back with full force and almost sufficated him. But his lover was alive and his warm, secure body was close. The brunette almost tried to crawl underneath Ran's skin just to make absolutely sure he really was there.  
"Calm down Ken, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere," the redhead said softly and ran his fingers through Ken's hair.   
"He's going to be fine," Schuldig mumbled quietly. "He was falling apart after he find out you were dead so I had to hide the memories he had from your death. I never meant to use him like this but Dean was getting restless and he wanted to kill you instead of handing you over to me. I'm sorry." Ken frowned but didn't lift his head to look at the german. He really sounded sorry about what he had done.  
"What was in it for you?" Ran asked flatly and protectivly wrapped his arms around his lover.  
"I won't lie and say that I got nothing out of this but I told you before Ran, don't be so quick when you decide who's good and who's bad," Schuldig said softly. "Just because we used to be enemies in the past it doesn't mean that I'm a total bastard." Green and amethyst eyes met for a moment and an understanding seemed to pass between them. "Say hi to the blondes from me." The german turned around and left the two lovers alone.

~TBC~

I think there'll only be one more chapter to this fic *nods* I think I've dragged this one out long enough, ne? Anyways, Schuldig is acting weird but um I don't really care. Ran and Ken are together again! Good boys! Let's see what I can whip up to wrap this up… Ja/Atsureki


	17. Written In The Stars

When I Don't Remember

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : I'm thinking about turning my hair color into red but that won't change the fact that I don't own the boys! Ah and the song used in this chapter is Written In The Stars sung by the handsome lads in Westlife. Irish accents *drools* Hrm well *cough cough* I don't own this song nor do I own the lads *damnit!* Don't sue me because well let's face it, I'm so poor I can't even afford to pay attention *faints* Okay that joke was sooooo old and sooooo very very lame!

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, might be some sap and stuff like that here. Oh and of course this is the last chapter *phew* Never thought this damn thing would get done *ARGH*

Notes : Stuff written in _Italic_ are thoughts.

Chapter 17. Written In The Stars

Ken waited impatiently for someone to show up and tell him that he could go back into Ran's hospital-room. He didn't want to be apart from his lover for two seconds so he kept on pacing the long corridor. What was taking so long?

"Hidaka-san?" The brunette jumped in surprise and turned around.

"Hai?"

"You can go in now," a nurse said and smiled at him. Ken almost ran into the room and straight up to his lover. The redhead seemed to be asleep but it didn't matter to him as long as he could see him, feel him. Ken sat down beside the bed and gently took Ran's hand.

"What took you so long?" 

"Blame the nurses," the brunette smiled and hugged the hand tighter. "Did I wake you?"

"I was just resting," Ran murmured and opened his eyes slightly. "And waiting for you." The door opened again and the two blondes came in.

"Ran-kun!" Omi exclaimed and ran up to their leader, giving the somewhat shocked redhead a hug.

"Easy there Omi," Ran chuckled and ruffled the little blonde's hair. Omi blushed and let go.

"Sorry I'm just so glad that you're okay."

"We're all glad," Yoji grinned and patted the redhead's shoulder. Ran gave the lanky playboy an amused look.

"I'm glad to be back," he admitted and returned his attention to his brown haired lover. "Very glad." Ken blushed a little and intwined their fingers.

"Come on Omi let's leave them alone before they get even more mushy," Yoji snickered and winked at the brunette.

"Shut up Kudou!" Ran barked but there was no anger or annoyance in his voice.

"Yes oh fearless leader," the lanky blonde grinned and saluted him.

"Baka!" Yoji wiggled his butt at the redhead and strolled out the door. Ken smiled after him and carefully took a seat on the bed.

"You okay?" He turned to his lover and nodded.

"I'm fine Ran, you?"

"Still feel like I could sleep around the clock but other than that… I just want to go home with you koi," the redhead murmured and pulled Ken closer. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Fujimiya-san?" Ran opened his eyes at the sound of his name and blinked a few times. He must have fallen asleep and Ken was still lying beside him. His sleepy gaze landed on the face of an old man. At first he didn't recognize him. Ran licked his lips and swallowed.

"Oyabun-sama," he said respectfully and lowered his head. The old japanese man returned the greeting and stepped into the room, followed by two bodyguards.

"I'm glad to see that you're doing better."

"I don't mean to be rude but what can I do for you?" Ran asked evenly. The leader of the clan yakuza gave him a small smile as one of his bodyguards fetched him a chair.

"Nothing, Fujimiya-san, nothing. I believe that you and Hidaka-san have done more than enough already," he nodded and sat down. "I'm only here to make sure that we understand each other." Ran narrowed his eyes.

"Understand each other?"

"Hai. I understand that I can't go after you without having Kritiker all over my family and you understand that if you decide to put the blame for this on me I will have no other choice than to take actions," the old man said calmly. "I am correct when I assume that we understand each other?" The redhead smirked. It was a threat, a promise, but it worked both ways.

"Oyabun-sama we understand each other completely," he said with a slightly amused tone in his deep voice. "I also hope that we both understand what will happen if someone from your… 'family' decides to hurt someone from mine." 

"Trust me Fujimiya-san none of my family-members are out to get any of yours. Actually most of us are grateful for all the problems Hidaka-san solved for us. May I ask you a question?" Ran nodded. "What happened to the man called Schuldig?"

"I'm not sure actually. All I know is that he helped us for some strange reason then he chose to disappeare," the redhead shrugged.

"Ah, well then." The old man rose and sighed. "I do apologize for all the problems this has caused you and your family. This was not meant to happen at all." Ran raised an eyebrow in shock.

"Apology accepted," he mumbled with a nod. The man who probably had more power than anyone else in Tokyo lowered his head before he left. 

"That was quite um interesting." Ran chuckled softly at his lover's words.

"Quite interesting indeed," he agreed.

__

Stay with me  
Don't fall asleep too soon  
The angels can wait for a moment  
Come real close  
Forget the world outside  
Tonight we're alone  
It's finally you and I  
  
It wasn't meant to feel like this  
Not without you  
  
Cos when I look at my life  
How the pieces fall into place  
It just wouldn't rhyme without you  
When I see how my path  
Seem to end up before your face  
The state of my heart  
The place where we are  
Was written in the stars

Ran looked at the man resting against his chest and smiled. He had only been home for a few hours and hadn't left his bedroom yet. Ken insisted that he'd stay in bed just for a few more days to make sure the redhead was really okay. Although Ran suspected that his lover had a hidden agenda since he probably wouldn't get much rest there anyway. Not that he cared, they were finally at home again, together.

"Ken? Koi don't fall asleep yet," the redhead murmured and caressed Ken's cheek. 

"I'm awake, sort of." Brown eyes opened a little and looked at him.

"Good." Slender pale fingers ran over sun-kissed skin. "I never thought I would be here with you again." Ken brought his lover's hand to his lips and kissed it.

"You weren't the only one Ran."

__

Don't be afraid  
I'll be right by your side  
Through the laughter and pain  
Together we're bound to fly  
  
I wasn't meant to love like this  
Not without you  
  
Cos when I look at my life  
How the pieces fall into place  
It just wouldn't rhyme without you  
When I see how my path  
Seem to end up before your face  
The state of my heart  
The place where we are  
Was written in the stars

Ken pulled himself further up and sought out Ran's lips. It almost felt unreal to be back in their bed, in their room again. He sighed into the kiss and drew in the redhead's spicy scent. 

"I love you Ran," the brunette said softly when they broke apart. Ran wrapped his arms around him and let out a contented sigh.

"I love you too Ken, always." Those words would always be the ones Ken loved to hear the most. Relaxed and happy he cuddled closer. He had never been meant to love like this, not without Ran. 

"Can I go to sleep now?" Ken asked and placed a kiss on the redhead's chest.

"Hm? Oh of course."

"And you'll be here when I wake up, ne?" Fingers ran through his hair.

"I'll be right here by your side Ken," Ran answered quietly. The brunette relaxed again. They were both safe but inside he still had a flicker of fear left, a fear that his lover would disappear. "Ken…"

"Mm."

"Stop that! I'll always be here, I don't want to be anywhere else." The brunette chuckled softly. Ran knew him too well sometimes.

"Sorry koi. I'll go to sleep now." He got a soft kiss on the hair.

"I'm right behind you," the redhead mumbled with a yawn. 

Ken closed his eyes and listened to his lover's heartbeat. They had been there for each other through laughter, pain, love, amnesia, confusion, happiness and even though they had been separated several times they had always found their way back to each other again. Almost asleep the brunette couldn't help to think that something like that had had to be written in the stars.

__

I made a few mistakes, yeah  
Like sometimes we do  
Been through lot of heartache   
But I made it back to you  
  
Cos when I look at my life  
How the pieces fall into place  
It just wouldn't rhyme without you  
And when I see how my path  
Seem to end up before your face  
The state of my heart  
The place where we are  
Was written in the stars  
  
The state of my heart  
The place where we are  
Was written in the stars

~OWARI~

Thank God this is over!! I think the ending was pretty bad but hey at least it is finally over *phew* I have ended several fics but this one took time and it was the first Weiß-fic I ever wrote. *chuckles* Talk about lack of muse hm. 

Oh well you all got a happy ending and everything so you're happy now ne? Please? 

I would really like to send a huge thank you to all you wonderful people who have stuck with this story even after I started having problems with getting the chapters out. Thank you for the reviews and the mails and please do believe me when I say that this fic wouldn't be finished yet if it weren't for you ppl! *glomps you all with affection* I hope you enjoyed this, I know I did! *waves* /Atsureki


End file.
